wanted to turn back, so many times she’d wanted to tell the truth, but the more lies she’d told, the more tangled the web became, until she didn’t know how to extract herself.
She’d only ever wanted to protect those she loved. No, she hadn’t. Shame washed through her as she caught herself in another lie. She’d wanted to protect herself – from the anger and the hurt she would see in their eyes when they learnt of her lies. From the pain of losing what mattered most in the world to her. They could never have forgiven her. And now, that was exactly what she was suffering.
She couldn’t bear this. She wasn’t strong enough. But she had to be. She couldn’t lose Samuel. Had to try to hold onto Adam. She had to meet this woman face to face. And if the woman threatened what she most feared, then she would meet those threats with whatever she had to.
That decision made, she breathed deeply and braced herself to make her next call. Shakily she selected Jemma’s number. She wasn’t sure why Kim had lied to her, but her instinct told her she had. She had no doubt that Samuel was Josh’s child. He really was the living, breathing image of him. The rest, she just wasn’t sure. And she was scared.
Twenty-Six
Kimberley
Kim was growing worried. Going into the kitchen, she found Cassie cleaning the kitchen cupboards. Every nook and cranny of them. She’d also cleaned the conservatory windows, which Kim was happy to let her do if she really felt compelled to. She’d been a bit perturbed when she’d found her balancing on Adam’s ladder, spraying Cif onto the high mid beam running across the roof. It was yellow with tobacco stains, she’d told her, straining to reach to wipe them. It hadn’t even occurred to Kim to notice, but Cassie obviously had. She was like a woman on a mission.
She’d been the same the last time she was here. Kim couldn’t help but notice how she’d collected up the plates when they’d barely finished the cake she’d brought with her. She’d then run a bowlful of water to wash them, where Kim would have just swilled them off, and proceeded to spray antibacterial spray on the work surfaces before wiping those vigorously down. It was obviously her way of channelling her emotions. Kim supposed the shoplifting arrest had kicked off her manic behaviour. Her nerves must be shot to shreds. She’d been shaking when she’d confided in Kim, convinced that she would be worried about the consequences for Samuel, that it would impact on Cassie’s relationship with him.
‘What consequences?’ Kim had blinked at her, mystified. ‘It will be some time before he can spell the word shoplifting, let alone understand what it means,’ she’d told her reassuringly, adding that she doubted anyone would be taking him aside when he was ten and informing him that his nana had a criminal record. Cassie hadn’t looked very reassured, even when Kim had added that the gossip would soon die down in favour of the next neighbourhood scandal. Kim guessed she would also be worrying about the impact on her relationship with Adam, who’d clearly been knocked sideways by the whole distasteful event.
‘Would you like some tea, Cassie?’ she ventured, as the woman paused, wiping a rubber-gloved hand across her forehead and eyeing up the front of the cooker. God, surely she wasn’t going to start on that?
Cassie eyed her distractedly, then, ‘No thanks, Kim. I’m fine,’ she said with a wan smile, ‘but you have one. I’m all finished over there.’ She nodded towards the kettle, which had a polished sheen.
‘I’m good. I’ll make one later.’ Cassie would be bound to wipe up after her, she thought. She was only here while Adam finished off the fitted wardrobe he was installing in the bedroom, so she wouldn’t be wielding her cloth much longer, thank goodness. ‘Oh, I’ve asked Adam if you wouldn’t mind dropping me off at the doctor’s surgery on your way home,’ she said, making sure Cassie knew she hadn’t got time to start on the oven. ‘Hope that’s okay.’
‘Of course.’ Cassie looked slightly alarmed. ‘I could come in with you if you like.’
Kim sighed inside. Obviously she assumed it was an appointment for Samuel. ‘That’s really kind of you, Cassie.’ She smiled, though she had to force it a bit. She was, she had to admit, beginning to feel just the tiniest bit claustrophobic. ‘It’s a personal appointment, though.’