into him. How could he be in her heart when he’d taken it with him?
She felt Adam’s arm around her as they made their way to the exit. ‘We have to thank his friends,’ he said softly. ‘But if you’re not up to it…’
Cassie drew in a breath. It stopped short of the raw pain in her chest. ‘I’m fine,’ she murmured, wiping futilely at the tears on her cheeks. She had to do this. Seeing so many of Josh’s friends here today, she’d ached with a combination of fierce pride and stomach-wrenching sorrow. She had to thank them personally, meet the young people who’d shared his life and were also grieving the loss of him.
Standing outside the church, she made herself smile as she and Adam went through the formalities, shaking hands with people, many assuring them how loved their son was. The look in one girl’s eyes as she approached them, a young man supporting her, tore a fresh wound in her heart. She was obviously distraught.
‘I’m so sorry,’ the girl whispered, hugging Cassie fiercely for a brief second before pressing a hand to her mouth and turning away.
The young man with her fed her into the arms of another woman, who led her away towards the toilets, and then turned back to shake Adam’s hand. ‘I’m sorry for your loss, Mr Colby,’ he said, his own eyes shiny with tears he was clearly working to hold back.
Smiling briefly, Adam nodded his appreciation. ‘Thank you…?’
‘Ryan Anderson,’ the young man supplied. ‘I was a couple of years above Josh at school. Jemma… my wife… she knew him too. He was a good mate, looked out for people, you know?’
Cassie smiled, though it felt like there were a thousand shards of glass inside her. She knew that was true. Growing up, Josh was always surrounded by friends who thought the world of him. ‘Your wife and I have met briefly,’ she said, swallowing back her tears. ‘Thank you both for being here for him, Ryan.’
‘I’d better get Jemma home.’ Ryan nodded after her. ‘She’s not feeling too well.’
‘She’s clearly very upset.’ Guessing her baby was due soon, Cassie smiled understandingly. ‘Please thank her for me, and pass on my best to her.’
‘I’ll make sure to,’ Ryan promised.
‘His rugby coach is here,’ Adam said, indicating the man as Ryan turned away. ‘I’ll just go and acknowledge him.’
Cassie smiled gratefully, guessing he would know what to say to him. Glancing around, she caught sight of a girl with long flame-coloured hair standing hesitantly by the churchyard gates. Noticing her looking in her direction, she wondered whether she might be about to approach her, but the girl looked away, gazing around as if searching for someone. She seemed very young, her face pale, without any apparent make-up. She was heavily pregnant, her thin cotton smock dress accentuating her bump. Cassie’s breath caught in her throat as she noticed the cross-body bag she was wearing.
It was Josh’s. She’d bought it from John Lewis for his birthday. She was sure it was the same one. The girl had obviously known him well, if she had his bag. Cassie’s heartbeat quickened and she took a step towards her, then stopped as Adam pressed a hand to her arm. ‘He’s coming on to the reception,’ he said. ‘How are you holding up?’
‘Coping. Just,’ she assured him with a small smile. ‘I was wondering who that girl was.’ She nodded back to the gates, but the girl had gone.
Two
Cassandra
Twelve weeks since Josh’s death. Twenty-four years since the day he was born, the day that had started out as the bleakest day of her life and had turned into the best. Cassie stared at the alarm clock she kept by her bed. Wished she could will the hands back. She’d thought she would leave the hospital empty-handed; instead she’d left with a miracle. How could she continue going through the days, marking them off on a calendar, when there seemed to be no purpose in life, no future worth facing without him?
She hadn’t realised her time with him would be so short when she’d brought him home, examining every perfect inch of him before placing him in his pretty white cot. She’d vowed to love and protect this child until the day she died. She hadn’t lived up to her promise. Josh had been snatched away from her. It was karma, Cassie was sure of it.
She listened to the sounds of life going on around her: cows mooing in