in an hour. Heidi said cops hang out at the state border. Be ready for them to pull us over and ask questions.”
Despite River’s worries, the Indiana highway patrol doesn’t start shit when we ride past them. That’s a numbers game. There are four patrol cars, one cop in each. There are twenty guys on hogs. If shit gets out of control, there’ll be four dead pigs. Rather than harass us, I notice them pull over a minivan driven by an elderly couple driving too slow and a Mustang driven by a teenager with a lead foot. Everyone’s playing shit safe today.
THE WEIRDO
Before dinner, I head upstairs to wake Ramona from her nap and help get the boys up. She opens her eyes and smiles. Then she remembers Shane isn’t in Shasta and she won’t see him for days. Her dark eyes flash with panic before settling into resigned unhappiness.
“Can I sleep in here with you tonight?” I ask as she climbs out of bed. “The house feels empty without Shane and River.”
Ramona gives me a little smile. Maybe she knows I’m more worried about her. Or perhaps she’s relieved to have someone keep the bed warm while her man is gone.
We walk to the next bedroom, where Iggy bounces in his crib, and Ozzy stares at the mobile above him. Iggy jumps faster and starts babbling like an insane person when he sees his mama. I try to imagine my kid one day being that excited to see me. Can’t do it. The baby doesn’t feel real yet.
While Ramona picks up Iggy, I lean over the crib and say hello to Ozzy.
The little guy smiles up at me and wiggles. He looks just like Iggy and so much like Shane as a baby. I pick up Ozzy and grab supplies to change diapers. Ramona and I return to her bedroom, where we rest the boys on the bed. Iggy and Ozzy look at each other and make happy noises.
“I think Taylor wanted to go on the ride,” I tell Ramona as she changes Iggy’s diaper, and I clean up Ozzy.
“Why didn’t she go?”
“Because I didn’t. I’m holding her back. I failed,” I say, suddenly depressed.
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“I wanted to go on the ride, but then I thought about Goliath being there and how awkward it would be. That’s why I bailed. I used the excuse that I couldn’t ride for so long without peeing. It’s not true. I just felt insecure. That’s why Taylor didn’t go. I’m a horrible friend, and maybe the worst person who’s ever existed.”
Despite knowing I’m overly dramatic, I feel crazy suddenly. Sad and happy. Clingy yet wanting people to leave me the fuck alone.
“Maybe you can go next year,” Ramona says as she reaches over Iggy to pat my hand. “I’ll watch your baby. By then, you’ll know Goliath better. Even if you hate him, you’ll be used to feeling that way. It won’t be so new. Then the Fearsome Foursome can ride together.”
“You’re the best person that’s ever lived,” I say and wrangle Ozzy back into the legs of his onesie. “You also make beautiful babies.”
Ramona’s eyes shine with pride when she looks at her boys. I know she misses Shane. They’re not good apart, but he needs time with his club, and she needs to support him. My baby bruv and his lady love are so adorable together.
“I kinda hate you,” I say while she rests on her side next to Iggy drinking his bottle. “Your happiness makes me feel lame.”
“I don’t know anything about relationship advice. I do think you’re trying too hard to make things happen. Shane and I weren’t looking for love when our paths crossed. River and Max weren’t either. Taylor and Kelsi seemed to come out of nowhere. Things just happened, no one forced it. Maybe you need to relax and let love find you rather than you searching for it.”
“But I’m the only one alone.”
“Maverick and Maude are too.”
“But he has Alba,” I say, grinning at the thought of his pretend girlfriend. “Plus, he’s younger and a guy, and I think he might be dead inside.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because I’m trying to win the conversation, Ramona. Why else?”
Grinning, she leans forward and kisses Iggy’s head. He pulls his bottle from his mouth, says something that doesn’t sound like English, frowns when milk escapes his mouth, and then returns to drinking.
I look down at my baby nephew and see Shane. “Your husband was the