not really lonely. I just get jealous about all my friends falling in love and creating life.” When Maude instinctively places her hand against her stomach, I ask, “How long can you work at the strip club? Is there a fetish for hot preggos?”
Blue eyes warming, Maude grins. “I didn’t show with Desi until I was four months pregnant. I plan to work for as long as I can suck in my gut. I don’t need the money for bills. River said he’ll get me a job working for the club after the baby’s born. Still, I like the idea of having money stashed away for later.”
“The guy who knocked you up, was he someone that you liked for a long time?”
“No,” she says, seeming a little sad.
“Did he show up and knock your socks off with his charm and good looks?”
“Yeah,” she says, smiling softly. “I was only with one other guy before Kenny. Then I spent all those years married, and I didn’t really think about other men. Not because Kenny was so great, but I was busy, and men seemed like a hassle. But this guy was handsome in a way most men aren’t. I got a hot feeling in my gut. Lust and excitement like I hadn’t felt since I was a horny teenager. So, yeah, I fucked a stranger.”
“And created life.”
Maude grins again. “After my heart attack, I had to change birth control. I never tested the new one since I dumped Kenny as soon as I got out of the hospital. Apparently, it didn’t click for me. The old one worked great, though. I guess it was fate.”
“I’m not jealous of you.”
Maude’s smile grows. “You’re very mature.”
“I had sex today. I feel like I should put my legs in the air to keep the sperm inside. Then I can make a baby and not end up completely alone.”
“You’re never alone, Shelby,” she says patiently. “Twenty people live in this house.”
We share a laugh at the reality of our current living situation. Soon, my brother will find a place of his own. River and Max are building their new house. People will leave, and I’ll be here alone with my ghosts. Oh, and the dogs.
Maude finishes her cocoa and muffins. We don’t talk. I’m depressed, and she’s tired. When she stands, she offers me a smile.
“I’m sorry your attempt at romance didn’t work out. You’re happy otherwise, right?”
“Yeah, I’m living the good life. I just got all wound up over someone who was never going to get wound up over me. I’ll feel better tomorrow.”
Maude gives me another reassuring smile and then heads to bed. Like so many nights, I’m downstairs alone with the dogs. I check my phone to see if I have any messages. Mom says she loves me. Dad sent his nightly text, telling me how Ellsberg was better when I was there. Then I check the security cameras to make sure no one’s lurking in the autumn night. Outside looks downright horror movie-like with the fog and heavy moon.
I shut off the light in the TV room and watch the black-and-white movie with the sound down low. The subtitles are on so I can follow the story, but I’ve seen this movie so many times that I can recite most of the dialogue by heart.
Before sleep takes me, I find myself falling into self-pity a few times. My mind returns to Goliath’s trailer. I replay the best moments, trying to avoid the bad ones. Eventually, I make myself imagine tomorrow with my friends and family while editing out thoughts of the man I want but can’t have. Like with the ghosts in the house and the rendering plant stink, sometimes, acceptance is the only solution.
THE CHAPTER WHERE THE PUMPKINS RIPEN
THE GOLIATH
Three days after Shelby Campbell shows up at my trailer, I accept how no one is coming to kill me. A few times, I run into her brother and River. Neither of them seems pleased with me, but I never sensed they liked me to begin with. I expect a talking-to about how I need to treat Shelby like a queen or some shit. They don’t mention her at all. No one does, and I don’t see her for a week.
Hugh is the only person to mention her after I find him sitting in a booth late one night at the Saloon.
“I worried you two would date for a while before it came crashing down,” he says, shaking his head. “Then