the hall to our room. Before he can complain about how Shelby isn’t his patient, he sees me and decides he’s a helpful fucking guy.
Shelby squeezes my hand while pushing. She holds Shane’s too. He looks like maybe he doesn’t want her to break his fingers. I don’t fucking care about the pain. If she doesn’t make it through delivery, I ain’t gonna need my fingers.
Then Shelby lets out a groan that sounds a lot like when she comes, and the doctor says it’s a girl. I still can’t think. I just see Shelby leaning forward to see our kid. Kirby’s too quiet. The baby’s dead. I didn’t do something right. Shelby should have squeezed my hand tighter. It’s all ruined.
Then Kirby lets out a scream that sounds like Shelby’s reaction to a mouse. Covered in goo just like Shelby warned, the baby seems wrong. Then they clean her up, putting on a little hat and wrapping her in a blanket. Once in Shelby’s arms, my kid looks wide-eyed at the face looking back at hers.
“I love everyone here,” Shelby murmurs and then frowns at the nurse. “Well, not everyone, but please get the fuck out of the room. I need a moment alone with my man and our baby girl.”
I can’t look away from that bundle in Shelby’s arms. The room gets quiet. I guess people leave. I can’t tell. I’m stuck in that horrible place where Shelby and Kirby are dead, and I’m ready to end shit. I feel like my heart ain’t caught up with the new reality.
“Dean,” Shelby says softly, “sit on the edge of the bed next to me. I want you to hold your daughter.”
I ain’t ever admitting to tears. There might be some. I can’t be sure. No shame if there are. I just know this tiny person in my arms is mine. I made Kirby Winona Midkiff. All my old baggage seems stupid now. The rejected kid, the convict, the man incapable of finding a woman worth loving, the cold motherfucker, none of it matters now that I’m this kid’s dad.
“You did good,” is the first thing I can finally say.
“For nine months, I worried about the pain so much, but she popped right out,” Shelby murmurs while running her finger over our daughter’s cheek. “You really did pound out an easy exit.”
I start to laugh. Chuckling at first, then some crazy fucking laughter like a drunk man telling a joke that only he knows the punchline to. Shelby doesn’t mind. She probably knows me better than I know myself. Despite my pigheaded bullshit, I finally found a good woman. She’ll love me more than I deserve, be patient when I’m infuriating, and give me shit when I can’t be reasoned with.
And she gave me this jewel I’m holding now.
“I want another one,” I blurt out, not even an hour after Shelby gives birth.
Rather than tell me to shut the fuck up or ask if I’m insane, she just shrugs. “That is up to the rendering plant gods.”
“It’s just she’s perfect,” I mumble, not wanting to return the baby to Shelby.
When I relent and give her Kirby, Shelby bursts into tears. “I’m so happy, you know? It’s surreal how happy I feel.”
Kissing her, I hope she knows I feel the same. I can’t say the words. If I speak too much, I might just blurt out more stupid shit like wanting another baby. I need to be her rock, but I’m shaky right now. No way I’ve ever felt so unsteady. Maybe as a little boy. Got close when I realized I was going to prison, and the Skullz likely sent me there. There’ve been moments when I felt the floor drop out from under me, but those were bad times. Today, I’m wrecked from how a man like me can create someone so perfect with a woman as fucking beautiful as Shelby Campbell.
Even today, I forget how I’m not alone. I ain’t the only one around to help Shelby. We’re not two people lost in a void. We have a ton of people waiting outside the room. I pull my head out of my ass long enough to invite them back in.
River and Shane congratulate me. Dylan thanks me for giving him his first granddaughter. Arriving a half hour later, Hugh brings me a beer. Taylor starts to speak a few times, but I swear she’s more emotional than I am. Winnie gives me a hug and says she’s proud of