Ben shrugged. “We can discuss my sins if you’d like, though I hardly see the point as doing so won’t help you with Sorcha.”
“I don’t need your help with Sorcha.” He didn’t need anything from his old friend, other than to have the man turn tail and depart his home.
“Oh, I beg to differ. You need all the help you can get.”
“My situation is none of your concern.” Alec tried to sound arrogant and unconcerned himself, but he’d failed miserably, he was afraid.
“But it is,” Ben countered. “Ellie and Sorcha are connected, and therefore my wife’s state of mind is very much my concern.”
That damn harmony thing again. Alec nearly groaned.
“Now who installs their mistress in their home?” Ben pressed. “Does this woman mean something to you?”
For the love of God! “She’s not my mistress. She’s a whore. Nothing more, nothing less.”
Ben drew in a deep breath and leaned back in the chair.
“Don’t ever let Ellie catch you saying that.”
Whatever the devil that meant. “Just leave, Ben.”
His onetime friend sighed. “I know you detest my kind, Alec.” He held up a hand when Alec would have interrupted.
“But I can’t change what I am any more than you can.”
“You could have told me,” Alec muttered.
“No, I couldn’t. There are covenants that prevent that.” He shrugged his shoulders. “And Simon would have had my head if I’d even tried.” He looked so directly at Alec that he wanted to look away, but he refused to do so. “I did want to tell you more than once throughout the years. It just wasn’t possible.”
“But now I know.” Alec wasn’t certain whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.
“Just as I know what you are,” Ben retorted.
“At least you like what you are,” Alec said quietly.
But Ben heard him anyway. “Not always. There was a time when I detested what I was. It made me feel out of control. I even hurt Ellie because of it. Thank God, she forgave me. I couldn’t live without her.”
Alec made a gagging sound that brought a smile to the Lycan’s face.
“You are not immune to love, my friend,” Ben informed him.
“I have no aspirations of love,” Alec scoffed. But something within him ached, like a piece of him was being torn in two. He rubbed at his chest absently.
“Something wrong?” Ben asked, his face etched with concern.
“No.” Alec waved the Lycan’s questions aside. “Where is Sorcha now?”
“She was at the Manor when I left, begging Ellie to heal her broken heart.” Ben took another sip of his whisky. What Alec wouldn’t give to taste that again, to feel numb from it.
“She has cried until there are no tears left. I can’t tell you how painful it is to hear her profess how much she loves you, even being willing to settle for someone who can’t love her back. But she’s not willing to settle for someone who can’t be faithful to her. She’s a smart lass, that one.”
Alec hurt again. He hadn’t hurt since he’d been turned.
What the devil? “Will Elspeth help her?” All things considered, Sorcha would be better off if she didn’t love him. Of course, he’d be utterly destroyed if she stopped, but it would be in her best interest.
“She doesn’t have that kind of power.” Ben took a deep breath. “But you do.”
“I don’t know what to do.” The pain of separation between him and his old friend began to ease somewhat, and Alec felt calmer than he had in quite some time. The only person who made him feel better than this was Sorcha. His Sorcha.
“You know, there’s an old saying that we Lycans live by.”
“And I assume you’ll burden me with it?” Alec quipped.
“It speaks of the fact that a Lycan cannot love another until he learns to love himself. I know you hate what you are now.” When Alec would have interrupted, Ben held up a hand. “I know you do. I can see it all over your face. But you can’t change it. You can either continue with this futile selfloathing, or you let that lass love you and give her the best life she could have ever dreamed of.”
“She deserves better than a life with me. But I’m just selfish enough to keep her from having it.” He hated that about himself. But the thought of sleeping in a cold and empty bed for the rest of his life made him feel hollow inside.
“As things stood when I left home, she wouldn’t have