“I realize that nobody wants red on the charts,” Paul said.
“Graphs.” They looked so troubled, avoiding eye contact, drinking their wine too fast, that he quickly reassured them he understood.
“You’ve done so much already,” Paul said. “You’ve done more than enough.”
“Our check will be a little less every year but you can count on us for something.”
“I’m afraid we’ve lived too long. Who would have thought?”
“Especially after all those years of smoking? All the red meat? We’ll be lucky if there’s anything left for our funeral when that day comes.”
Paul decided to ignore the odd sentence construction, the assumption that two people would have one funeral—on the same day—although it was impossible to imagine one sister without the other.
Although he thought he’d have more time, Paul knew this day would come eventually; his aunts wouldn’t live forever. Countless times he’d tried to get a better handle on the business side of things, his tenuous finances, but he hated the business side of things. He was trying to figure out how to redouble his funding efforts when he serendipitously heard the chatter about Nathan and arranged a meeting. Nathan hadn’t committed to anything but he’d been engaged, curious. He’d asked lots of questions and Paul offered intelligent, thought-out answers. Why wouldn’t he? He thought all the time about what he would do if he had more money. The website was pathetic, nothing more than a place to subscribe and submit, and many of his writers were frustrated their content wasn’t available online. He wanted to publish more books, many more books. He wanted to expand the modest-but-respected reading series he ran, start a summer conference, and maybe open a writing center for at-risk youth. But it would all take more money than he’d ever had.
“Let’s both think on it a little more,” Nathan had said. “I’ll be in touch in a few weeks.”
And then there was Leo, standing in his office and looking around and asking questions.
“Unofficially,” Paul said to Leo, “is there anything specific you’d like to know about how things work here?”
Since then he and Leo had met a handful of times, usually starting at the bench in the morning. They’d stroll, get coffee, and talk—mostly about work and the challenges of running a literary magazine. But about other things, too: real estate, the rapidly expanding Brooklyn waterfront, city politics. Paul still wasn’t sure what Leo was after. He assumed more than one person would be in the running for Nathan’s dollars, so he was trying his hardest to impress Leo, walking him through every stage of putting the summer issue together, occasionally pretending to solicit Leo’s advice and then feeling pleasantly surprised at his excellent input. Paul had forgotten—it had been easy to forget given Leo’s gradual morph from new-media celebrity into his glaring life of unrepentant indulgence—how cunning Leo could be about the printed word. Leo’s instincts were infuriatingly effortless and accurate, and Paul couldn’t help enjoying him and their lively exchanges. It was, in fact, Leo’s presence that made Paul Underwood rekindle the tiny ember he’d consigned to a much smaller place that was the thought of kissing Beatrice Plumb.
Over the years, Paul had had a few carefully selected lovers. They came and went, some more than once. He’d been married briefly, didn’t seem to have the knack for it, but he had loved Beatrice Plumb for nearly always. His love for her was quiet and constant, familiar and soothing; it was almost its own thing entirely, like a worn rock or a set of worry beads, something he’d pick up and weigh in his palm occasionally, more comforting than dispiriting. Paul suspected Bea would never love him, but he thought maybe, one day, she might let him kiss her. He was a very good kisser; he’d been told so often enough to have confidence in that skill and to know that a good kiss, perfectly timed, well executed, could establish inroads to far more interesting destinations.
He’d thought about kissing Beatrice for so many years that he knew he should probably never try, that the reality would almost have to pale in comparison to his many, many years of imagining the kiss and how it would unfold (in the back of a taxi on a sultry rainy night, on a stalled subway train as the lights flickered off, under the elegantly tiled archways of Bethesda Terrace as the sun was low in the sky, and his favorite: in