him, kneeling before Luca and taking his hands in hers. There was a strength in her grip that revived him.
“You did nothing wrong.”
Luca knew that, deep down inside, he knew it, but…
“Knowledge is often cast in shadows, obscured by the blinding light of emotions.” Luca had been told a million different ways—through words, scripture, fists—that for him to love a man was a sin. And if he had only been told in those ways, he would have remained strong, would have held on to his convictions that he was right and they were wrong.
“What happened to Roberto?”
Luca glanced up. Leave it to Oscar to see there was more.
“He had returned to the school as well. He never spoke to me again.” Roberto hadn’t needed to speak. The hatred, the disgust, the pure, unveiled disdain in his eyes as he’d looked at Luca had said it all.
And that was when Luca had suffered his first—and only—broken heart, and the shame of his actions had been born.
Luca cleared his throat and said the rest. “Six months after…after us…Roberto married a girl from our order and became a supernumerary. He works as a builder, devotes himself to supporting the Bellator Dei and his family. They have three children now. He chose his path, just as I have chosen mine.”
“You chose to be adopted by a bunch of religious freaks and forced to design bombs?” Oscar’s voice boomed in the stillness of the room. The snow outside had muted every sound until all that was left were the subtle noises from inside—the occasional crack of the fire in the stove, the ticking of the cuckoo clock, and their voices.
“My feet may have been placed on this path—”
“Slammed on it is more like it.”
Luca grinned once more at Oscar’s passion. While he suspected some may have found his anger, his aggression off-putting, Luca was drawn to it like a moth to flame. Perhaps because he found it so difficult to express his own feelings. He was envious of the man’s ability to show what was in his heart.
“What I am trying to say is I have made very conscious decisions in the past few years, decisions that were necessary. Even though I am aware they will lead to my death. Either at the hands of the Bellator Dei or the Masters’ Admiralty.”
“What?” Selene dropped Luca’s hands and stood quickly. “What are you talking about?”
“I have betrayed the Bellator Dei. They will learn of my subterfuge eventually. I was granted mercy when I was a boy, but—”
“You call that mercy?” Selene cried.
Luca ignored her outburst even though it warmed him to see and hear her outright anger on his behalf. “The Bellator Dei is but one enemy. You saw those men the other night. They were willing to do anything to get the designs. And once they had, my life would have been forfeit.”
Selene was shaking her head.
“And then there is your society. The Masters’ Admiralty. Do you think they will forgive me for what I did to Ms. Edwards? To Boston? I am their—your—enemy.”
Oscar crossed back to them, standing next to Selene. “We can explain it to the Masters’ Admiralty. We can make them see you had no choice.”
“You have kind hearts. Understanding. Compassionate. Not all will feel that I am deserving of the forgiveness you have granted, even if my bomb does not work. Your brother, for one.”
Oscar waved that concern away with the flick of his wrist. “Langston’s a dipshit. I’ll make him understand.”
“I do not understand dipshit.”
Oscar barked out a laugh. “It means my brother is an idiot.”
Luca’s eyes widened. “Ah. A sibling term of endearment. I have the same for Joli. She is my piccola pulce.”
“I recognize the word little, but not the other?” Selene said.
Luca grinned. “It means little flea. She is forever buzzing in my ear.”
His smile faded slowly. It had been several months since he had seen his sister, and while logically he knew she was safe, the overprotective brother in him longed to fly to Italy and steal her away from the tiny apartment she lived in, to drag her away from the people who would do her harm.
Selene reached out and touched his forearm. “Your sister will be okay.”
He nodded, grateful for her reassurance.
Selene released him and returned to the couch, gesturing for Oscar to sit down again as well. “I think we need a distraction, and to talk about something that’s not so…”
“Fucking heartbreaking?” Oscar asked.
After the revelations of the past few minutes, Luca expected