“We don’t get to decide what children we have, or what children get taken from us. I wanted a baby, not a science experiment.”
“So now you’re all religious.”
“It’s not religion, it’s just morality, which I thought you had. My old wife had a moral compass. My old wife wouldn’t embezzle funds to implant something illegal and lie to her husband about it.”
“I was desperate.”
“I can see that.”
There was a silence that may have lasted a half hour. Elm could hear every beat of her heart, every beat of the baby’s heart. She could feel the blood rushing through her, the volume of it increased because the baby needed it too. She felt her hands tremble. She was frightened. Terrified.
“I want to go back to Ireland,” Colin said finally. “And I want to take Moira.”
Elm pursed her lips. “That’s not a good idea,” she said. “I can’t travel anymore.”
“Not you.” Colin stressed the last word so that Elm felt the sting of it. “Me and Moira.”
“You can’t just take her from me.”
“I refuse”—he paused—“to subject her to another brother who is going to die. I refuse to do that to her.”
“I won’t let you. That’s kidnapping.”
“I don’t think a judge would disagree with me when I tell him what you’ve done.”
“Oh, so now you’re blackmailing me?”
“You don’t leave me a choice.”
“You sound like a movie,” Elm said. “It’s not that hard. Please come back home, please. I’m sorry; I’m so sorry. I need you, I need help with our baby. I love you.”
Colin appeared to be considering this, shaking his head lightly. “I’ve put out feelers for a job back home. There are a couple that look promising. ”
“And where will I be in this scenario?”
“As far as I’m concerned, you can be in hell,” Colin snapped. “I’m renting an apartment and Moira is coming to live with me in the meantime.”
Elm was tired. She couldn’t argue with him. He would just get angrier. “Fine,” she said. “I want to see her, though.”
“You can take her for dinner.”
“I can’t believe it’s coming to this,” Elm said, surveying the room.
“This is something you did,” Colin said. “Remember that. This is not a tsunami, or a fact of nature. This is something you did to us, to me.”
“For us,” Elm whispered. Colin must have heard but he didn’t take the bait.
“I’ll have a lawyer be in touch. We should get all this in writing.”
The air left Elm’s lungs. She sank into the couch, without the breath for a response.
Colin went to the refrigerator and removed the boxes of Thai food. Then he draped his jacket over his arm and walked out, closing the door forcefully behind him. A few seconds later, Elm heard the elevator ding its arrival and then the doors whooshed closed and she knew he was gone.
Regret was not a strong enough word to describe Elm’s feelings the next morning. She was sure Moira had heard them fighting. The little girl ran all the way to school, just to be away from her. Elm called in a personal day at work, understanding that she was giving everyone free rein to gossip about her.
She went into Moira’s room to pack her a suitcase. How was it possible that she’d given away her daughter? She replayed the events of the previous evening. She had been expecting Colin to come home, that the sight of her pregnant with their child (with Ronan!) would tug at him in some irresistible way. She wasn’t sure when it was that she had started being so horribly, horribly wrong about everything. She used to have good judgment, or at least, judgment that was not any worse than anyone else’s. And now she was so mistaken