Nash Brothers Box Set - Carrie Aarons Page 0,277

her palm over my own, and I pull her up gently. The door to my apartment is open, and I can hear the muffled noise of the lunch crowd, including my family, down in the restaurant. It smells like cardboard boxes and mozzarella sticks, and the chime of the new clock on my wall alerts us to the fact that it’s three p.m.

These are all the things I notice right before I pull Ryan to me and kiss her.

Because once my lips are on hers, I can’t think. And I don’t mean, I can’t think straight. I really mean, I’ve lost all ability to connect rational thoughts.

Her mouth is warm and pliable, searching as my tongue slips in and begins dancing with hers. It’s been five years since I kissed a woman, and at first, I can’t find my groove. I’m fumbling and too excited, and all I want to do is grind every part of myself into her. It’s kind of pathetic, but then Ryan shifts her angle and we click into place.

The meeting of our mouths is sensual, hurried, breathless, and … right. It’s just so damn right that I don’t know why I’ve waited so long to kiss her. Ryan tastes better than any liquor, sweeter than smooth summer wine and spicier than cinnamon whiskey. It takes every muscle in my body to keep us upright, to stop myself from stumbling backward with her into my bedroom. Now that I’ve had a taste, there is no way I can’t drink the whole bottle.

I’m an addict; stopping after the first drink is not possible for me.

Her hand comes up between us, and she pushes my chest until our mouths pull apart.

I’m still in a haze, half-drunk off her taste when I realize she’s talking. “I … can’t. I’m not … looking for this.”

I must nod because Ryan’s eyes are pleading for understanding, and the silence between us is tense and getting more awkward by the moment.

Oh fuck, how damn wrong I was. I should have been very afraid, terrified even.

Because it’s completely possible I’ll lose myself in this woman. And never get the old Fletcher back.

19

Ryan

Another day, another class with my middle schoolers.

Sometimes, I wish our summer course was more than once a week, because I’m beginning to grow restless without much else to do. My boss keeps calling, asking if I’d like some remote work, but …

I don’t know, I just can’t seem to muster up the energy to want to do it. Working with the kids is bringing me so much joy, and I know that not one project she could pitch me could measure up to it. I’ve been trying to sit still, like Presley says, and only do things that make me happy.

But it’s so damn hard. Not moving at a fast pace forces you to think, it forces you to open up all the ugly thoughts you shoved down in a box in the back of your brain, and sealed tight. You have to unpack the turmoil in you, and I’ve never been good at that.

What I do know is that I like teaching the computer course. I like going to yoga three times a week, especially since they’re free. I’ve taken up walking in the mornings, all over town before a lot of people are up. And sitting under the stars at night.

That last one sounds cliché, but there is nothing like a country sky at night. I’ve never seen so many stars, never had such darkness, with no artificial light sources around. It makes a person feel really damn small.

I’m halfway through a dusk walk, the AirPods in my ears playing some murder mystery audiobook, when I hear the clomp of feet behind me. It’s not unusual, I’m walking around the lake slash reservoir at prime running hours. After work, but not too late.

A hand on my shoulder, though, now that startles me.

“Ah!” I jump to the side, thinking someone is pushing me or falling into me. It’s one of those knee-jerk reactions where you kind of just freak out and flail your limbs because you’re surprised but also disoriented with headphones in your ears.

“Ryan, it’s me!” I hear a deep voice say over the voices narrating my audiobook.

I rip out my wireless earbud and whip around, my heart beating fast, to see Fletcher standing there. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry, I called your name twice.” His lopsided grin has my eyes fastening on his lips.

My gaze