Nash Brothers Box Set - Carrie Aarons Page 0,151

almost smells of snow, and my heart skips a beat thinking about the holidays. This time is my favorite, how Thanksgiving blends right into Christmas and then it’s a new year.

And then I realize … I won’t have anyone to spend them with. My family … well, my parents, they’re not really my family anymore. I won’t be acting out our traditions anymore.

So what will I do?

I’m thinking about it as I come upon the gazebo. Our gazebo. Thoughts of how I’ll spend the holidays alone like that song by The Waitresses distract me as I walk up the steps.

It’s not until I’m standing fully under the vaulted ceiling that I realize …

Bowen is right in front of me.

“Lily …” he breathes, his voice awestruck.

“What are you …?” The words come before I can stop them.

And then I realize, I came here for a sign. Well, universe, if this isn’t the most obvious sign ever.

His baby blues are trained on me. “I’ve been coming here every night since you left. Hoping against hope that you’d show up. And if you didn’t, hoping that being here would bring me the strength to fight for us. To get you back even if you came at me swinging.”

“I would never swing at you,” I say quietly.

He shrugs, a small smile turning up those stubble-covered cheeks. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

Neither of us speaks, and I wrap my puffy-coated arms around myself.

“Lily, I am so sorry. I hate those words because they don’t mean enough. I wish I could … I don’t know, rip out my heart or something to show you just how sorry I am. To show you that my intentions were good, but my actions were terrible. I know that you might not want to hear this, but I love you so much and—”

I hold up a hand for him to stop. “I’m hurt. I’m angry. You kept me out of the decision-making process on the only decision that mattered. Us. You decided for me how we would end, and I wasn’t even privy to why. You wasted so much time, Bowen … years that we can’t get back.”

And now the tears come. Silent at first, but then ugly, ricocheting through my chest as I try to speak. He’s right there, so close to me, in our place. How I got out of bed, walked here, and found him … it can only be blamed on something bigger than both of us. And when he steps into the light, I see the tears in his eyes.

My breath whistles through my teeth as I suck it in sharply. I’ve never seen Bowen cry in my entire life. I don’t know if he ever has in his entire life. But here he is, this rugged, aggressive man, standing in front of me with tears about to fall.

That’s when I crack.

“I know you were trying to protect me … I do know that. But we were partners, Bowen. I wasn’t just in love with you like some lustful high school girl. You were my best friend. We’d talked about making life decisions together. You were my person. And in an instant, you doubted that and let other people influence what happened to us. And still, I love you more than any of those other emotions. I love you even when I hate you. I love you even when you betray me so fatally it feels like you’ve opened a vein and drained it.”

He touches me. Bowen pulls me in so close that I think he feels if he doesn’t grasp me the hardest he can, I’ll slip through his fingers.

It makes me weak, but it also makes me infinitely stronger. In his arms, with him in my life and giving me just as much love as I can give him … it’s how we can move past this. It’s how I’ll rise again, how I can live.

Over the past week, I’ve thought a lot about what a person who loves you looks like. How you can spot the real, genuine kind, and how you know they’ll go to the ends of the earth for you because of that love. Bowen is that kind of person. He sacrificed himself for me. His life, his dreams, his shot at our life together.

“I chose wrong once. I will never do that again. Because this time, I choose you. Above all else, above family, and jobs, and especially fear … I choose you, Lily. I love