Nash Brothers Box Set - Carrie Aarons Page 0,141

when all that goes south, to just keep everything to yourself. It’s a default for you, you get every role.”

Presley goes on, “Bowen and I, we were the forgotten ones. I’ve never actually spoken to him about it, but I know that for me, being a middle child determined the way I blossomed. It dictated a path I followed for a long time, and only once I truly stopped caring what other people thought and had the unconditional love of someone who truly cared for me, was I able to veer off it. Naturally, my family loves me, as does Bowen’s, but there were whole years where my parents spent more time on my brother and sister than me. I think … not that Eliza meant to do it, but Bowen could have been in that position, too. It doesn’t help that he’s the introvert, that he literally doesn’t like to be complimented or given praise. After the … after your accident ended his career, he probably retreated further into that middle child role. It’s tough, and you can’t escape the loneliness of it sometimes. That’s all I’m saying.”

“So you think … you think he’s avoided me for so long because he’s a middle child?” I’m confused now.

Presley rubs my shoulder. “That’s not what I’m saying. I think he keeps his secrets, his thoughts, his choices, to himself because he grew up being the last one thought of. He’s used to receiving less love, and it’s sharpened him. It’s also made him self-reliant. I know that’s how I used to feel. Like if I got too close to having something I really wanted or talked about it too much, it would ruin it. That might not make any sense, and it could be completely wrong, but maybe that’s what’s been holding him back from really opening up.”

Her words give me pause, and I chew my lip as I think it over. “But in my mind, that just doesn’t add up. I’ve tried to get through to him so many times. We were so in love; we are in love …”

“And he blames himself for almost killing you. You didn’t see yourself in that hospital bed. Imagine sitting next to his lifeless body for a month while machines breathed for him? That’s gotta fuck with a person, Lil.”

And that connects with me. Straight to my brain, a whack as hard as a baseball. I never really thought about how awful it must have been for Bowen. He’d been driving. For me, our accident was a split second. We flipped in the truck and then I woke up in a hospital bed. But for him …

It had been months of agony. Of healing himself and watching me for any flicker of life. Now that Presley said it, I couldn’t imagine holding it together for that long if the roles had been reversed.

“And would it be so bad if Bowen took a job outside of Fawn Hill?” Presley asks cautiously.

The words smack me, bouncing off my head and disorienting me. “You’re suggesting it would be a good thing if he left town? If he left me?”

She waves her hands above her head. “Gah! Hold up. Sorry, that thing happened where I think the rest of the sentence in my head but don’t say it. What I meant was, it might be a good thing if he got a job offer, so you could both leave together.”

This idea is even crazier and has me snorting. “Um, what are you even talking about? How did this go from me complaining about him keeping secrets, to Bowen’s middle child status, to you telling me we need to hit the road?”

Presley nods. “I know, sometimes my train of thought can be all over the place. But, hear me out. If Bowen did get a job with a team outside of the state, wouldn’t that give you two a fresh start? You can work anywhere, Lily! Libraries exist all over the country. But imagine leaving Fawn Hill, which holds so many bad memories for you two, and moving somewhere that you can make all new ones?”

I’d never actually thought about leaving the town I grew up in. With a father in the public eye and my loyalty to my parents, it had never really been an option. It had always just been expected that I’d attend college nearby and then move back once I was done. Presley makes a valid point.

Maybe I shouldn’t look at Bowen’s silence as