In Name Only (Pine Falls #2) - Jennifer Peel Page 0,79

brief exchange at the door. All I’d heard of their conversation was Sheridan telling John that if he loved her, he would do the right thing by his family. He’d responded that he was doing exactly that by keeping silent. He had gotten out a heartfelt “I love you” before she’d slammed the door on him. After that, Sheridan had scrubbed the house from top to bottom even though it was already immaculate. Brock’s military training had made him a neat freak.

Sheridan grabbed the remote and clicked it, making Brock’s state-of-the-art giant flat screen come to life across the room. She scooted closer to me, and I found myself resting my head on her shoulder. I felt this connection to her that I couldn’t explain. It was different than any other female connection, even the one I had with Grandma. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Grandma with all that I was. But Grandma wasn’t always as gentle as Sheridan was. Grandma had to be tough with me at first because I wasn’t the most pleasant of humans when I’d come into their lives. I’d needed the firm, yet loving, hand she’d given me. And Grandma’s generation was cut from a different mold. Feelings were a luxury when she’d grown up. Not to say Grandma hadn’t been better than her own parents—she was. Grandma was my greatest champion and my saving grace. Sheridan, though, was soft in word and deed. She made me feel so accepted and loved. She had a mother’s heart, and she shared it with me. I wanted to be like her.

Sheridan kissed my head. “I love the smell of your shampoo.”

I smiled, thinking it was good that I was showering daily again. “It’s tea tree oil based. I get it for five dollars at the grocery store.”

Sheridan laughed. “Five dollars? I spent fifty dollars on my last bottle, and it smells awful. Please don’t ever forget it’s okay to buy cheap shampoo,” she sounded wistful.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes. It’s just, I forgot. I’ve forgotten a lot of things. It’s easy to get caught up in the glitz and glamour of the Holland world. I’ve realized that I like this lifestyle more than I ever wanted to or should. I wonder if it contributed to John’s behavior.”

“You can’t blame yourself for what he did because you enjoy things like expensive shampoo. There’s nothing wrong with liking the finer things in life. You do so much good with your money and influence. If it weren’t for your family’s donations over the years, I’m not sure Children to Love would have made it. I know several charitable organizations in the area that would say the same.”

“You know, a lot of that was John,” her voice was on the verge of tears.

Ugh. It made me uncomfortable when she said things like that. I didn’t want to feel any shred of goodwill toward him. However, I also didn’t want to be callous toward Sheridan’s feelings. It was apparent how much she loved John. “Perhaps he will find it in his heart to sacrifice the ultimate gift this time—his dignity.”

She patted my leg. “Oh, honey, you know as well as I do how much these Holland men would rather do anything than sacrifice their dignity. It was a miracle we got Brock to get help. Well, I say that, but he would do anything for you. You know that, right?”

I squirmed a bit. I wanted to believe that, but my emotions were still so raw, and my heart begged for me be careful. It was almost as if it had been placed in a cocoon and was melting into a gooey mess like caterpillars did before they transformed into beautiful butterflies. Though I wasn’t sure my heart was brave enough to transform and fly again.

“I know you’ve been hurt,” Sheridan interrupted my thoughts. “I know my son hurt you,” she clarified. “You don’t know how terrible he feels about it all. Especially about the baby. He wanted to love your baby. And I think he would have,” she cried out.

I lifted my head off her shoulder and faced her. When I was honest with myself, I realized I was not only hurt that Brock had kept me at arm’s length for so many years, but I was angry at him for not loving my baby, even though I had no right to expect it. Even though he said he would at the beginning, I should have known better. It was wholly unfair