pucks around at a relaxed pace before firing them at the goal. But goddamn, my brain was rattled now. Devin was here, and I’d known he’d be here, and now everything we’d done last night felt conspicuous. Like someone was going to suddenly put it on the Jumbotron or point the Kiss Cam at us. It couldn’t possibly be rational, but no one had ever accused me of being rational once I started fixating on something and—
“Hey. Kelly.” Andersson smacked my shoulder. “You sure you’re with us tonight, dude?”
I laughed and gave his arm a playful shove. “Was gonna ask you the same thing.”
“Pfft. Because I’m the one staring into space.”
“Yeah, well, maybe try staring into the net? You might get a puck in it.”
“Ooh,” Maddox said as he skated up behind us. “Kelly’s got jokes, man.”
Andersson rolled his eyes. “Fuck you both.”
I chuckled, but my heart was racing. How obvious was I?
Maddox skated in closer and lowered his voice so only I could hear him. “You good tonight?”
Oh shit. I was obvious.
“Yeah, yeah.” I shook myself. “A little distracted, but I’ll have it together by the time the puck drops.”
“I hope so.” He clapped my arm and skated on, throwing over his shoulder, “Come on. Let’s get some pucks over the glass for the kids.”
I followed him, and we started sending pucks up the glass, trying to get them past the tight lip of the net so they’d fall over the other side for the young fans waiting below. It was harder than it sounded, but we usually managed to get at least a few into kids’ hands. And maybe one or two into the hands of adults who either didn’t notice or didn’t care about the disappointed kids next to them.
Come on, you dicks. Let the kids have them.
We sent over as many as we could before the buzzer went off, then waved to the fans before heading off the ice. I caught Devin’s eye again, and we exchanged smiles. It made my heart go wild, but I realized no one else noticed. Like, at all. Maddox didn’t say a word, and he had one of those faces that always said what he was thinking (which made his post-game pressers hilarious, especially when reporters asked him stupid questions).
So maybe…no one noticed? Huh.
I joined my team in the locker room, and Coach gave his usual pre-game spiel. Nothing felt out of the ordinary in here. I was a little off-balance, but everything else was the same as it always was. The team’s collective intense focus. Coach’s pointed comments about hey, how about we maybe try not falling apart in the third period this time. Gear shifting and squeaking as guys fidgeted with adrenaline. The sound of Maddox taping his stick, which he always did between warm-ups and the first period for superstitious reasons.
When we headed back out for the National Anthem and the first period, everything was the same, from the order we sat on the bench to the line that went out for the first face-off. Then the puck dropped, and it was all sticks and skates, plus the usual chirping between players as we fought to gain and keep control of the puck.
It was weird how normal everything else felt. Last night had been earth-shaking for me. All that confusion about whether I was gay—gone. For the first time in my life, I’d been in bed with someone and hadn’t once thought Shouldn’t I be more into this? or Why is this so easy for everyone but me? Last night, I’d been into it, and it had been easy, and so many things had made sense that never had before.
I didn’t have a clue if it would’ve been that mind-blowing with any man who’d eventually come along, or if it was just Devin who could somehow simultaneously rock my world and put it on its axis for the first time. I just knew that last night had been one new experience after another, and this morning had been the first time I’d ever thought, Can’t we just spend the entire day in bed?
But now I was on familiar ice with my teammates, and everything was normal. Last night was one of those bold dots on a timeline, something where my entire life seemed like it would be defined as being before or after that point, but it had just been a regular Tuesday night for everyone else.