quite say out loud right then, and there is nothing I won’t do to make you happy.
I buried my face against his neck and breathed him in as I kept riding him slowly.
“Oh my God,” he moaned into the pillow.
“That good?”
A choked groan told me it was. Then Devin lifted his hips a little and pushed his hand under himself. I knew the instant he grabbed his own dick because he clenched around mine, and we both groaned.
“Ooh, yeah…” He gripped the edge of the mattress with his free hand and arched under me. “Oh God, baby, don’t stop.”
I nipped the back of his shoulder and kept going, thrusting deep but not hard, keeping that steady rhythm that was driving him wild. In this position, my body molded to his, I could feel almost every muscle tensing, and when he came with a strangled shout, I felt the tension and release, and I rode it until I was coming too. Holding on to him tighter than I’d ever held on to anyone, pushing myself as deep as he could take me, I came so hard I almost cried. And I didn’t care if I did cry. I had Devin. I was inside Devin. He loved me. He’d taken me back, dents and all.
For the first time in my life, I knew who I was, and someone else knew who I was, and he’d loved me even before I’d said I was going to get help for my anxiety. When he said he’d have loved me if I’d never gotten help, I believed him, and when he said he’d support me while I did get help, I was beyond grateful for him.
“I love you, Devin,” I whispered shakily into his hair.
“I love you too.”
He loved me, and he was back, and everything felt right now that I was holding him again.
And I hoped he never wanted me to let go.
Chapter 38
Devin
Still shaky and now damp and hot from a shower, Jase and I sank onto the mattress together.
“Oh my God,” he murmured. “I needed that.”
“Me too.” I cuddled close to him, savoring his body heat and his strong arm around my shoulders. For all I’d been guarded when he’d arrived, for as many times as I’d considered ignoring his text or telling him forget it, I was damn thankful I’d heard him out. I pressed a kiss to his warm skin. “I’m really glad you reached out.”
“Me too.” He shifted, turning on his side, and we faced each other on the pillows. “I still feel so stupid for walking away from this.” He clasped my hand in his between our chests. “If I walked away from everything that scared me, I’d never do anything, you know?”
“But I gave you a pretty hard shove. And even if I hadn’t, you had every right to be intimidated by it all.”
“Really?”
“Well yeah. I mean, you don’t think becoming a dad terrified me?”
“Did it?”
“Oh, yeah.” I nodded. “I was a hundred percent not planning to be a dad right then, and I hadn’t even decided if I ever wanted to be one. Then suddenly Haley’s pregnant, and the next thing we know, they’re handing us a newborn baby and sending us home with two pages of instructions.”
He laughed quietly. “Two pages?”
“Eh, it was probably more than that, but it pretty much boiled down to ‘feed her, her change her, don’t drop her, and you’ll figure out the rest, but you’d better do it right or you’ll fuck her up for life. No pressure.’” I rolled my eyes. “Real helpful.”
“Okay, yeah, that sounds terrifying.”
“It was. But we figured it out.” I smiled, squeezing his hand. “So I get it. The instant family thing is not for the faint of heart. I just… I guess when you said it was too much, I thought you meant because of her medical issues. Because God knows you wouldn’t have been the first.”
“That’s kind of messed up,” he said. “That people leave over that.”
I shrugged tightly. “It’s a tough thing to deal with. It’s frustrating to have people walk away, but I get it. And… I think maybe some of them have left because I pushed them away. Same way I pushed you away.” I stroked his thumb with mine. “I’m just damn lucky you were stubborn enough to come back anyway.”
He shook his head and brought our hands up to kiss my palm. “Nah. It wasn’t that. I just had to get out of my own head and stop