that? Or if it happened in some fantasy world or something that didn’t look anything like earth, I was good.” He pushed out a breath and deflated a bit. “But Red Dawn gave me nightmares for months. Outbreak movies, zombie movies, shit like that?” He shook his head. “I get myself so spun up over what could happen…”
“Holy shit, Jase,” I whispered.
Cheeks coloring, he went on, “I can’t even watch those clickbait videos of hockey injuries.” He shuddered. “Made that mistake once when I’d had a few beers with my teammates. Completely fucked with my head. It was a couple of weeks before I could skate without thinking about it.”
“Wow. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”
Jase met my gaze. “Like a shrink?”
I nodded.
“No. I’m… To be honest, I’m afraid to in case the diagnosis means I can’t play hockey. There are a few things that can disqualify a player, and…”
Chewing my lip, I studied him. Part of me wanted to gently suggest that if something like this disqualified him from playing hockey, then maybe there was a reason for that. And maybe, for the sake of his physical and mental health, he should listen to them. But I also knew hockey meant the world to him. It had been his life for as long as he could remember. If his mental health took away hockey, what would that do to his mental health? I knew all too well how devastating it was to be limited. I knew how much it crushed my daughter every time she added to the list of things she wanted to do, but couldn’t.
And if nothing else, Jase was far too raw for that conversation tonight.
“Well, it’s your call,” I said softly. “If you do want to talk to someone about it, though, I totally support you. You can talk to me about it any time you want.” I paused. “And for what it’s worth, I’ve been to a therapist myself, so it’s not like I’m going to judge.”
Jase met my eyes with a puzzled expression. “You have? What for?”
“Stress, mostly.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “When Dallas started having migraines, I had a hard time dealing. There’s nothing worse for a parent than when your kid is in pain and there’s nothing you can do about it. Plus I was struggling to pay for the expenses, and my shit insurance was keeping her from getting the treatment she needed. Still is, in fact. So I felt guilty about it, and I was anxious and depressed because… I mean, my kid was miserable and I felt like a failure for not being able to help her.”
Jase studied me. “Did… Did the therapist help?”
“Oh yeah, he was great.” I laughed bitterly. “I’d still be going to him if I could afford it, but my insurance was only letting me see him eight times a year, so…” I shrugged. “Anyway. The point is, there’s no shame in seeing someone if you need help.” I brought his hand up and kissed his palm. “It’s just a thought, if you want some help managing that kind of anxiety.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, thanks. I’ll, um, keep it in mind. And I’m sorry.” He exhaled. “I can usually keep a grip on it, but tonight…”
“Don’t apologize. Just tell me if there’s some way I can help.”
He met my eyes with a tired smile. “You’re helping just by being here. So…thanks.” He lifted his chin for a soft kiss, then came back for more. That kiss wasn’t as brief as I’d expected, and I followed his lead. Maybe he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Maybe this was what he needed instead. The longer we held each other and kissed, the slower his breathing became. His hands grew steadier, and he relaxed into my embrace. He deepened the kiss, and as we sank together, his hardening cock brushed my thigh, and his arms tightened around me.
I wasn’t about to ask him for more sex tonight, but if more sex was what he wanted?
Anything you need, baby.
He touched his forehead to mine. He was trembling a little now, but it felt different than it had a few minutes ago. “I, um… I don’t want to stop what we’re doing,” he whispered. “I’m nervous as hell, but I don’t want to stop.”
I honestly had no idea if he meant what we were doing right now in his bed, or what we were doing as a couple. Either way, the answer was the same. Caressing his cheek,