“Rain!” she explodes. “Please tell me you didn’t give your virginity to Kent Nicholson.”
“I can’t.”
“Oh, Rain.”
“Stop it!” I snap. “Just stop it, Becca. Everything’s fine.”
She reaches over and takes my hand. “Then why are you about to cry?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing, that’s why. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life.” The revelation is like a punch to my gut. “But I feel like I can’t have him. Deep down I’m terrified Kent doesn’t want me back.”
Becca’s face softens. “He’d be a complete imbecilic fool not to want you. I’m sure there’s another issue.”
“There is,” I reveal bitterly. “He’s still in love with his ex.”
She hisses under her breath. “No?”
I nod vigorously. “He’s been stuck on her for over a year. And I mean stuck, like superglue stuck. Like nothing I do will make him forget her stuck. He even said it. Not even you, Rain.” I mimic his voice poorly, and the idea of it is the final shove into hysteria.
“Look what he’s doing to you. You do you realize you’re crying when you’re talking about him, right? You should be smiling.”
“He does make me smile.”
“When does he make you smile? Seriously. Tell me.”
I look down at my hands. “He’s too busy turning me on to make me smile. But he still does it. He makes me feel sexy and wanted, like maybe I’m not trapped in my life.” I blubber openly. “But mostly he makes me feel alive.”
Her mouth is hanging open. “You’re going crazy over this guy. Look at you. This isn’t right. This is Mom and Dad,” she adds.
I am nothing but tears and snot. She holds my hand as I cover my face with the other. “What do I do?”
“You leave him.”
“I can’t. We’re trying. And I don’t want to.” I feel like I’ve admitted something bad. “I don’t want to leave him alone. I want him.”
“What do you mean you’re trying?”
“He’s trying to be better. No more other women, no more punishing them. He’s trying for me. So am I. But I’m really not trying. I can’t trust him at all.”
“You don’t trust anyone. It isn’t just him.”
“I know. That’s what I’m supposed to fix. Every time I try there’s another woman, another truth, another horrible side of him. And it isn’t like I didn’t know. I knew exactly what I was doing when I fell for him.”
“Is he really trying? I don’t believe it. He’s so filthy.” She sounds disgusted. “How could he get you?”
How could I get him?
“I need a drink,” I admit. I pull my visor down, cringing at myself. “Did you bring any makeup with you?”
She opens her purse and takes out a makeup bag. I dry my face and slather it with foundation, hiding my tear stains and bruises.
“Well, how was it?”
“What?” I ask, pausing to glance at her.
“Sex.”
“Oh.” I bite my lip before smearing her balm over the cut. “It hurt, but he was so gentle and sweet.”
“Gentle? Sure.” I glare at her. “Did you come?”
My cheeks give the pink blush I applied competition. “Twice.”
“Twice?” She laughs and pats my thigh. “At least he’s good in bed.”
“Good?” I scoff. “He’s amazing.”
“He’s had enough practice.”
Her comment pisses me off. I shove her makeup back in the bag and hand it to her. “Let’s go, Rebecca.”
The restaurant isn’t busy and we’re seated immediately near the window with a clear shot of the busy street. The sun shines right onto our booth. It’s like looking into a mirror except for our hair. Her green and brown eyes look almost gold in the sun. Becca’s always been stunning.
When the waiter arrives he gives her a close look and a smile. “Anything to drink, ladies?”
“A double whiskey,” I blurt out. “And a beer, please.”
Becca gapes at me. “Um, I’ll have a Bud Light Lime.” When the waiter leaves she frowns. “Since when do you drink whiskey?”
“Since now.” I rip open my silverware and line it from tallest to smallest. It’s easier than looking at her. “I have to work tonight.”
“I’ll find something to do. Where will I be sleeping?”
“In my room.”
“With you?” she guesses.
I don’t know what to say. “Yes…” I’m not sure if Kent is still willing to sleep with me in his bed. It was clear Becca doesn’t want us together. Already Kent is slipping away. “Could you please be nice to him?”
“No.” Her eyes are blazing. “When I get done he’ll be running with his tail tucked between his legs.”