and bury my face in my hands. “I was doing so good ignoring my feelings for you. I almost convinced myself there weren’t any. I can do it again.”
“Can you?”
I nod determinedly. “We barely know each other. You’re just a guy. I can do it again.”
“Just a guy…” He shakes his head bitterly. “If that’s what you want me to be then that’s what I am. I’m just a guy.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“No.” He smiles sadly but his eyes are tight. “Go on, baby. I’m just a guy and you’re the first girl I’ve wanted since Willow. You’ll never be just a girl to me.” He leaves me.
I stare after him, torn. If I follow, this will drag out. We’ll end up in the swimming pool again and someday he’ll leave me right where I am. Alone, confused, and empty. If I remain still, by myself like I’ve always been, I can prevent that heartache. Heartache seems to be all Kent can give me. Then why the hell do I still want him? Is what I want right? Have my fears been wrong this entire time?
No. Absolutely not. What I want has gotten me this far. There’s no way I’m going against it by questioning it now. I suck it up, pull up my big girl panties, and promise myself Kent will never rip another pair off.
The idea saddens me in a way that hurts not only my heart, but the confident sexy woman Kent brought out in me.
I need something to do or I will sit here driving myself crazy.
I raid the fridge and prepare the fixings for Becca’s favorite comfort meal. There’s frozen chicken in the freezer and I start unthawing it in some water. As it unthaws I cut potatoes so I can get them boiling. The tedious actions of preparing fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and a homemade scratch gravy keep me busy. By the time I’m done both Kent and James have emerged from their rooms, sniffing like starving wolves.
James raises his eyebrows at Kent and signs something.
Kent signs back.
Together they have a silent heated conversation. I can’t pick up anything because for once they refuse to even mouth their words; which means they’re probably talking about me. I ignore them both and start dipping plates. When the table is set, Kent and I sit across from each other.
James sits next to me, sneaking glances like he knows exactly what is, or isn’t, going on between us. “This is good,” he announces, signing thank you.
I grip his fingers. “Thank you, James.”
Kent shifts in his seat. “Thanks for cooking, Rain.”
“You’re welcome, Kent.” This is all we’ll ever have. Genial comments that are hollow and meaningless. It makes my eyes sting. I bite my tears back and force myself to remember that if Kent and I succumbed to this attraction and he gave me what I thought I wanted, I’d be him someday when he left me. I’d drink myself away with strangers and pass out in the bathroom naked. There won’t be someone to take care of me the way I took care of him.
“Just friends,” he mutters, and then, “bullshit,” under his breath. “Aren’t you sweet suddenly? Why don’t you hold his hand longer?”
“I’m always sweet.”
“Sure, Rain. We’ll see how sweet you are when I have my fingers in some other bitch’s pussy.”
Fire moves over me. “Did you just call me a bitch?”
He takes a bite of his chicken and winks evilly, not taking it back. “Good chicken. You’re going to make some man a lucky wife one day. He’ll get that sweet smile you give sometimes when you think I’m not looking. Or that cute exasperated frown you have right now. He’ll get it all because he’s not just a guy to you.”
“Be careful.”
“Or what? I’m who you wanted me to be. Some pathetic asshole that fell for your bullshit.”
“You fell for my bullshit?” I am flabbergasted. “You’re delusional.”
James’s eyes dart from Kent and to me. He can tell something’s up, but when I talk he’s looking at Kent and he can’t pick up on the words being said. I’m glad. I don’t want him to hear this.
“A virgin,” he grumbles, disgusted. “If you were a slut I’d have your ass pinned against the wall right now. That smart-ass mouth would be begging me for more.”
“You sure you have more to give?” I take a bite and chew, raising my eyebrow condescendingly. “And don’t say slut. Sluts don’t exist, unless their name is Kent