give me a wry smile. When I don’t smile back, he sighs and runs a hand over the back of his neck uncomfortably. “I wanted to have sex with you this morning. Badly. Rough, backbreaking, leave-the-doubt-at-the-door sex. We were going to have sex. I was going to take your virginity and you weren’t even going to tell me?”
Backbreaking sex? “How badly?”
“See what I mean? It’s like it’s not even a big deal to you. But I know that isn’t true. Why else would you wait this long and save it if it wasn’t important to you?”
“It means a lot to me.” Why is he making me do this?
“And?”
“And what?”
“You want to give it to a guy like me?” he demands angrily.
I shrug and look away. “I did.”
“Raina, look at me. Look at me, damn it!” He stomps over to me and grabs my face between his hands. “You wanted to give me your virginity?”
“Yes,” I whisper, a nervous pit forming in my stomach.
His eyes are fervent. “Why would you want to do that?” He leans forward.
“I don’t know.”
“I think you do know. I think you know and you’re too afraid to admit it to yourself.”
“I barely know you,” I insist, my voice trembling.
“Raina,” Kent whispers, shaking his head, completely and utterly ignoring me. “I can’t be that guy. I’m not that guy. I may be a pig and a slut, whatever you want to call it, but I would never take a girl’s virginity for no reason. I knew you were too sweet for me. I knew it and I fell for it anyway.” His tone is so soft, yet his words pummel me. “Do you like me, Rain?”
Tears sting my eyes. “I don’t know how I feel.”
“But you wanted to have sex with me last night?” He sounds disbelieving.
“I want to have sex with you right now.” I can’t breathe. “I don’t want to think about how I feel, otherwise I won’t let myself feel it.” I look into his eyes and fall headfirst into them.
“You know why? Because you’re smart. You know I’m not the right guy for you. I know I’m not the right guy for you.” He shakes his head bitterly. “I’m still in love with Willow and that’s not going anywhere anytime soon. Plus I don’t do nice. Nice got me where I am. Nice broke my heart.” His voice breaks and he lets my face go and stumbles out of my room. “We can’t do this anymore. No more flirting, no more kissing, no more of that sexy shit you were doing in the car, and no more of this.” He waves his hand all over me, as if all of me is somehow the cause for what he’s feeling.
He’s slipping away from me. I let him go. I let Kent Nicholson leave before he takes me with him. It’s for the best.
Sometimes what’s best isn’t what we want.
It’s usually the opposite. Self-preservation exists for moments like this. These dangerous situations that require far more from us than anything we have to give it.
I want Kent, but clearly that want is wrong. I’ve been aware of that truth from the start. It isn’t a new piece of information I’m only now learning.
I’ve known all along that we couldn’t do this.
Somewhere along the lines I forgot my own rules. I have to keep my well-being in mind and protect myself from an ending I grew up witnessing. I know exactly where this will go. I lived it once.
I can’t live it again.
Chapter Six
I move without thinking, not allowing myself to feel. I suck it up because this is what’s best for both of us. He’s the wrong kind of guy for me and I’m not the girl he really wants. That girl had black hair and green eyes and his heart. I had his lips and his mouth against me. All I had with him was a moment.
“Back to roommates?” I look down at my bare feet.
“Roommates,” he agrees gruffly.
“It’s what’s best.”
“Completely. Can we at least be friends? I like being around you, Rain. You make me feel…better.”
I look up, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Sure, Kent.”
I’d love to be your friend and watch you with other women and walk in on you having sex with them when you won’t even touch me.
“You don’t have to be my wing-woman anymore. I think you’d sabotage me now anyway.” His crooked smile is forced.
“Mhm,” I mutter, pushing around him to the kitchen.