had so many opportunities. I let them slip by. The only conclusion I can come up with is Becca’s. I keep everything buried inside. Even my hormones. I was so damn lonely I was begging a man to touch me. And he was being so generous about it. I roll my eyes at the yogurt and keep going. What a selfless manwhore Kent was, loaning my vagina his fingers like a library card.
I was returning them immediately.
After I check out I drive home and grab as many groceries to carry inside as I can handle. Kent is sitting on the couch when I come in. He doesn’t look up and I don’t look over. I make two trips. James comes home as I’m putting my ice cream in the freezer. He drops his backpack on the couch and unbuttons his shirt, giving me a sweet smile when he enters the kitchen.
“I’m about to make a sundae. You want one?” I wiggle the ice cream at him.
He nods and rubs his belly.
I laugh and Kent turns the TV up louder. Jerk. I think about throwing the ice cream at his head and then scold myself for even considering wasting something so precious on him. I talk louder even though James can’t hear me. “Let’s hang out in your room. I don’t want to risk the couch today.”
He shrugs and waves me forward.
“I will,” I promise.
I assemble two killer sundaes. I top them with whipped cream, cherries, and some chocolate sauce I find in the fridge. As I’m carrying them through the living room Kent looks up at me in irritation.
“He can’t hear you. Do you need to flirt with him so loudly?”
“Sorry. I’ll keep it down in his bedroom.” I continue past him.
“Raina,” he warns.
Right. My smart mouth. “Kiss my ass, Kent. Or is that asking too much?”
He stares straight ahead. “Start looking for a new place to live.”
“My pleasure!” I snap.
When I get to James’s room I slam his door. He’s sitting in his little living room area. I plop down next to him and bitterly delve into my ice cream.
James raises his eyebrows at me.
As I talk he reads my lips. “Can you help me look for a new place to live?”
His eyes widen and his face pales. “No,” he says, setting his ice cream down. “No.”
“Kent and I aren’t going to get along. We’re too different.”
“The same,” he insists hectically. “That’s why we get along. You remind me of Kent. The old Kent.”
“Kent and I are not the same.” I feel insulted. “I’m not a whore, or a drunk, or a douchebag.”
He shakes his head. “Kent’s hurting.” He pats his heart. “In here. He doesn’t mean it.”
“I can’t stand him,” I lie.
“Stay for me.” He grabs my hand. “I don’t have many friends. It’s always been difficult to keep relationships and it’s easier to be alone. But I feel comfortable around you. Don’t leave. I’ll start talking more.”
My heart shatters. “James,” I whisper. I can’t say no to that. “People suck sometimes. I’m sorry they’re mean to you.” I reach over and touch his face softly. “You’re a great guy. You deserve better.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“Then I won’t.” I smile sadly at him.
“Thank you,” he whispers, turning back around and staring at the television like he didn’t spill his guts.
I rest my head on his shoulder and together James and I eat our ice cream in silence until I have to leave for work.
“Be safe.”
I lean over and kiss his cheek. “I will.”
I have enough time to take another shower, needing to wash Kent off my body. I can feel him everywhere. He doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near my body, let alone between my legs. I scrub my new apricot soap all over and wash him away for good. When I’m clean I feel better, as if I can start fresh. So I failed once. One failure didn’t mean I completely lost.
I refuse to lose again.
Kent is nowhere to be found when I leave for Oblivion. I’m glad for his absence. He won’t be happy to learn I’m not moving, but then again, I don’t live to please him. I live to please myself.
Oblivion is expectedly crazy tonight. At least all of the waitresses showed up. Samantha doesn’t look any different, although I think twice she avoids me. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to be self-conscious. I fell for it too. We fell for his BS because Kent is made of it.