Eli’s fingers scrape against my skin as he tugs me close, until my breasts are right against his broad chest. His touch destroys me, but I want to be destroyed and made anew. I wish that I deserve you.
“Stop trying to pretend you give a fuck about me,” he hisses into my ear. “You’re using her words to stop me from going to the authorities. You’re protecting your own ass.”
“If all I cared about was my own life, I’d kill you,” I answer. Eli’s fingers crush mine. “Killing you would be sensible. Tidy. But I don’t do sensible.”
A shudder rocks through Eli’s body, and I feel it in my own. This dance is the equivalent of what Noah and I did in the panic room, back when he thought I was responsible for his brother’s death. This is Eli stabbing through his pain. I don’t know what lies on the other side.
“Do you think giving me a page of her diary is going to make me change my mind about you?” his breath rasps. “How do I know you weren’t the one who had her killed?”
“I guess you don’t know that,” I say. “Except on some level you believe my story. I don’t think you’re going to the cops. If you were, you’d have done it already.”
“Maybe I’m waiting for you to make a mistake. Maybe I have FBI agents watching you every moment, waiting for you to take control of that gang so they can swoop in and wipe you all out. You lied to all of us and you nearly got Noah killed, all so you can steal Mackenzie’s house.”
“I’ll give up the house,” I say. “I’ll move out and let it rot back into the earth if that will make you happy. But not until I know you’re safe. Right now, the house and her life is a shield that protects not just me, but you and Gabriel and Noah, too. While Mackenzie Malloy lives, I’ll protect you, whether you want me to or not.”
The song rises to a crescendo. Eli spins me so fast that the room becomes a maelstrom of bubbles and colors and his deep blue eyes so filled with a pain that rivals my own.
I’m desperate, and falling, and I don’t know what else to do. I’m adrift in the ocean of his eyes, and even though I know I should go on fighting it, he pulls me under completely.
I press my lips to his.
Eli tastes better than I could ever imagine – like vanilla cupcakes and summer cocktails and waves lapping on a white-sand beach. For a single, beautiful moment, his lips are hot on mine, his tongue drawing me deeper as our bodies are slammed together by the desperate flood.
Something breaks inside him.
The light goes out of his eyes.
He tears his lips from mine. A cry escapes me. It’s like he’s cut off my air and I can’t breathe. I need him to breathe.
His lips twist into a cruel, sad smirk. “You’re nothing like her.”
The words are a whisper only I can hear, a knife slicing through my heart.
Eli yanks himself away from me. I can’t see the blue in his eyes anymore. He turns and bolts, leaving me standing in the middle of the dance floor.
Alone.
22
Chapter: Claudia
We clear out of the ballroom pretty quick after Eli’s rejection. Tearing up the dance floor loses its appeal, and the eyes of other students following me feel like knives scraping my skin. Not to mention the fact that Gabriel got a text and disappeared somewhere for like twenty minutes, and when he appeared again, he tried to cover up his distress by being extra ridiculous. When I pressed him on it, he said it was his manager harassing him about the new album, but he wouldn’t look at me as we walked out of the country club.
George had sent me a text saying she’d ducked out with Isaac to go to the horror movie marathon (adorable) so we didn’t need to wait for them. Gabriel hadn’t booked our car until much later in the evening, so Antony gives us a ride to the after-party. He can’t come inside because everyone thinks he’s a teacher, so he sends in another of his fighters instead. A guy named Horace who’s seven feet of raw muscle and is immediately pounced on by a horde of sex-crazed Valley girls as soon as he steps inside.