So I wouldn’t have been a horrible sister if I’d said yes.
So I could have followed my heart and gone off with him.
So I could have thrown all caution to the wind once again to see where I’d end up.
“I have to think,” I tell them, pacing around the couch. “This is a big deal.”
“It is,” Angie says. “But I mean, you could at least talk to him more about it. Find out for how long. If you want to stay longer than a few days, you need to know that.”
“I don’t know. My ticket was cheap, I won’t be able to change flights or get refunded.”
Sandra points a bottle of soda at me. “So if you stay longer, which I think you should because what the fuck is back in New York for you anyway, I would make him pay for your flight back. After all, you’re doing him a favor. What are you getting out of it?”
“Hot sex?” I offer.
“Don’t you think that might complicate things for you though?” Angie says carefully. I glance at her. She knows me. Once I sleep with a guy I tend to fall hard and fast, kind of like I’m doing now. Maybe the continuation of hot sex is a bad thing.
“Don’t turn her off the sex, okay?” Sandra says to Angie. She looks back at me with raised brows. “But I’m serious. What are you getting out of it?”
I should have a lot of answers for that. A chance to be with a hot rugby star. A chance to see the hidden side of Ireland. Maybe a chance I can write a travel article about it for freelance. But I shrug and the truth comes out. “I get to avoid life for a little while and pretend to be someone else, to live a life that’s not mine.”
“Kind of like being an actress,” Sandra muses. “For no pay,” she adds.
“I have enough money saved,” I tell them. “I’ll be fine for the time being.”
“Then I really think you should do it. Tell him yes,” Angie says. “If you trust him, if you like him that much, if you think you can handle it, tell him yes.”
Yes, yes, yes.
The words start to pulse within me, multiplying and growing until I know it’s the right thing to do. My whole body is fueled by it.
Tell him yes.
But I have to shake my head, my heart sinking. “I don’t even have his phone number. We didn’t exchange them.”
“Yellow pages?” Angie suggests. “Though I guess the average person doesn’t list themselves anymore, let alone a celebrity.”
“You know where he lives though,” Sandra says. “You just came from there and you have a good sense of direction.”
“Kind of,” I say. “I know the neighborhood is called Ranelagh and I’d know the street if I saw it. But, I mean, we might be driving around for hours looking for it.”
“Well, I don’t know about you both,” Sandra says, getting to her feet. “But I’m hung over as fuck and we’re too bombed to do anything remotely fun today. So I think being in a taxi for hours while we hunt down your sexy future fiancé isn’t such a bad idea. Oooh! Does Ireland have McDonalds? Oooh, let’s get McDonalds!”
“Mom would literally cringe if she heard you say that,” Angie tells her.
“Fuck Mom!” Sandra says, giving the middle finger to no one. “Yes to burgers! Yes to Val saying yes. Yes to everything! Let’s fucking go!”
9
Padraig
After I dropped Valerie off at her hotel, I made sure I spent enough time thoroughly berating myself for suggesting anything to her.
I don’t know what the bloody fuck I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking. The truth was, I’d woken up at five a.m. and couldn’t sleep. She was snoring her head off in a deep sleep and I didn’t want to wake her so I went downstairs to the living room, made a pot of coffee, and let my thoughts run loose in erratic patterns. I never should have tried to make sense of any of it.
The waning alcohol in my system and lack of sleep, coupled with the hot sex with a beautiful stranger, plus the news from my neurologist and news about my father created a massive black whirlpool inside me that wanted to consume me whole. There were no right answers. There is no right future. There is just too much to fucking handle right now and for some bloody reason I thought that