My Life as a Holiday Album (My Life as an Album #5) - L.J. Evans Page 0,48

the more I tugged, the more he pulled back until there was more space between us than there had been in days.

“I love you,” I said, my voice ragged with desire.

He nodded. “I know. And I love you so much I can barely contain it. But you promised we’d tell them tonight.”

I was shaking my head before he’d even finished, and his somber face turned into a full-on frown.

“It’s too late. If Daddy is awake, he’ll be in the studio where he pretty much lives while making a record.”

“Let’s go see,” he said, turning to leave my room.

“No!” I yelped, jumping between him and the door.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and put my head on his chest. He put his hands on the door on either side of me, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.

“What’s going on, ‘Z?”

I shrugged. Liar.

“You promised,” he said quietly.

I had.

“I’m just not sure I can do it…not tonight,” I told him, and he drew away from me completely. His face was full of pain before he turned away, and my heart thudded because I was hurting him. I was making him think this was because of him. That I didn’t want to be with him, which was the furthest thing from the truth.

He grabbed his military duffel before coming back to me. Panic filled me.

“What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly.

“Leaving.” His voice cracked with heartache. My fear that he would choose them over me would end with him leaving me anyway. I was losing him regardless, and yet, I was trapped in a wall of dread with no way to move.

“Wh-why?” I asked when I didn’t need to.

He looked knowingly at me. I’d broken my promise. I was letting him down. I was lying. I was an awful person full of cowardice and fear.

When he got to the door I still blocked, he picked me up, set me aside, and then headed out the door. He didn’t stop at the great room. He kept going until he’d gotten to the front door, and then he was out it, and I was chasing after him without my shoes or my jacket. My socked feet hit the stone path, and I slid a little. The wet and cold from the soft dusting of snow that had fallen while we were at Aunt Cam’s immediately invaded my body.

“Please stop,” I called after him, tears already flying down my face.

He turned back to me, his dark eyes glimmering with sorrow. Heart on his sleeve. Love and pain both on display.

“I’ll text you, and we’ll figure out how to fix this. To get the marriage annulled, or undone, or whatever the hell needs to happen.” The heartbreak in his voice tore me into shreds.

He turned and started down the driveway.

“I don’t want that!” I cried out.

“You don’t want to be married to me either.” And he didn’t stop walking.

“Don’t you dare say that. I’m the one who begged you to marry me. How can you say I don’t want this? How can you think I don’t want you?” Tears were pouring down my face as I followed him, socks turning quickly into popsicles. But I couldn’t blame him. My actions today had been the opposite of my words, and actions always spoke louder.

“If you really did, you would have told them. You would have been bursting out of your skin to tell them before we got married or, at the very least, the moment we walked in the door. You wouldn’t have kept it―kept me―like some dirty secret.”

His voice was choked full of emotions. He was still going, heading toward the security gate at the bottom of the hill, and I continued to follow even as my feet started to scream and burn.

“Where will you go?” I cried.

“I’m walking to town.”

“You’ll freeze.”

Those weren’t the words I wanted to say. It was obvious that he’d also wanted me to say something different, because surprise followed by more hurt spread across his face. In the light of the moon skirting from behind the clouds, I could see he was crying. Just like I was crying.

I’d never let anyone this close to me. Not since those first friendships and first crushes had turned into nothing more than stunts to be closer to my family rather than me. I’d never let someone so close that I wouldn’t have been able to breathe if they were gone, but that was how I felt with Brett. As if my entire