My Life as a Holiday Album (My Life as an Album #5) - L.J. Evans Page 0,31
clothes back on, and I need you to walk out that door, because I can’t love you and wonder if you’re here for him or for me.”
This was why people thought he was an asshole. Why many times I called him one. Because he spoke his mind without a filter. He said what he meant. But he also meant what he said. And he was loyal to the people he loved. His words only hurt when he spoke a truth you didn’t want to hear about yourself.
“I’m not leaving. I’m not walking out the door no matter what decision you make about football,” I told him, pushing a curl of hair away from his eyes.
He smiled at me.
“Does that mean you love me too?”
I smiled back. “Leave it to you to demand that I love you.”
“I’m demanding you tell me how you feel, not that you actually love me.”
“I do love you. I’ve loved you since the moment you pushed Maddox against the locker for talking about me. I’ve loved you from the moment you asked me out, even though you knew it could screw your life up with my father. I’ve loved you from the moment you let me rant about the Titans when they fucked up getting their Super Bowl ring.”
He bent his head to kiss me, and I put my hand on his lips.
“I do have one favor to ask, and whether you grant it or not, I’m still not walking out. I’ll stand by you, whatever mistakes you make.”
He chortled. “Mistakes?”
“Okay, or successes.” I shrugged. He waited for me to continue. “I just ask that you talk to your family and my dad before you declare. That you listen to everyone who loves you and wants the best for you instead of trying, as you always do, to make the decisions on your own.”
He searched my face. “Deal.”
And then he was back to devouring me, and I devoured him right back. Our souls knocking together. Our bodies smashing together. Our hearts turning into some twined entity I’d never known they could be.
We made love with a new intensity.
Walls and barriers shattering.
♫ ♫ ♫
Ty was lying with his legs tangled in mine. We were spooned together. My body tucked up against his. His head was buried in my neck. He’d passed out as if he hadn’t slept for days. Next to the pillow was a notebook. It had been on his chest when I’d entered the room earlier. It was old. Paper yellowing. Spiral binding twisted and bent.
I picked it up. The handwriting was sloppy but feminine. As if the person writing it couldn’t bear to sit still long enough to put the words on the page. As if writing was too much effort. I scrunched my eyes and read the page. You and me and us filtered all over it. I wasn’t sure who had written it. It wasn’t Ty. His handwriting was all slanted capitals as if he couldn’t be bothered to know the lowercase letters.
I flipped to the front and read some. The words were bitter and sweet all at the same time. Filled with longing and regret that bled from the sentences.
“It’s hard to put down, right?” Ty’s deep voice tickled at my ear.
“Whose is this?”
“My Aunt Cam’s.”
“She let you read this?”
He chuckled. “No. I stole it from her house.”
“What? You did not.”
He bit my earlobe. “I did.”
“Yet another reason everyone says you’re an asshole. You do things that normal people know are wrong.”
“I knew it was wrong. But I felt like I had to know. Why does everyone think he was the moon and the stars and everything in between?”
“Did you find out?” I asked.
“Yes and no. I realized he was pretty much a nice guy. But I also realized he was just a human who people had put on a pedestal because he wasn’t there to fall off of it. I’m never going to win that battle. He’ll always be better than me because he’s dead.”
“You realize how fucked-up you sound, right? He’s dead. How can he be better than you? He lost. He lost everything.”
Ty nodded. I could feel it against my hair.
“I just meant that I can’t let it get to me anymore. People will compare me to him, but I’m not dead. I’m me, and regardless of our similarities, my path isn’t his. It’s my own.”
I closed the notebook and tossed it to the ground next to the bed, turning in his arms. “You’re still going to catch