My Life After Now - By Jessica Verdi Page 0,38

my life. I didn’t know them.

“Um,” I said, trying to find my voice again. “Actually, I’d rather just listen for now. If that’s okay.”

Roxie gave me a kind smile. “Of course.” Then she turned to the rest of the group. “Who would like to go first? And remember to introduce yourself to Lucy.”

A man two seats to my left raised his hand. “I’ll go.” He was…midthirties, maybe? I couldn’t quite tell because his face was oddly concave, like his cheeks had deflated. “I’m Ahmed. It’s been a bad week. I was laid off from my job on Monday.” There were a few sighs of empathy from the group. “So that means I’m losing my insurance at the end of the month. I don’t know what to do—I can’t afford my medication without it.”

When Ahmed was done speaking, Roxie assured him it would all work out and told him she’d put him in contact with some organizations who would be able to help him get his meds. And he actually seemed more at ease, like he had faith in her ability to help. Who was this girl?

Next, a woman in a big wool sweater and sandals and socks spoke. “I’m June. My daughter had her baby yesterday.” There was a wave of congratulations and mazel tovs. June smiled, but only a little. “I went to the hospital to see them. She’s beautiful. Andréa Marie. But I wasn’t allowed to hold her.” She paused and looked down at her lap.

“Why not?” Roxie asked.

“My daughter said she ‘didn’t want to risk it.’”

“Oh, June,” Roxie said. The lady next to June reached out and placed a comforting hand on her back.

I thought back to Evan’s reaction when I touched his arm that day in the car. Would it never get better? If people found out I had this disease, would they not want to shake my hand or give me a kiss hello or let me hold their babies?

Several more people shared. Some stories weren’t nearly as bad as Ahmed’s and June’s. One man spoke giddily about a woman he’d just met on an HIV-positive dating site. One woman didn’t talk about HIV or AIDS at all—she was just so excited that she’d been asked to be the maid of honor at her best friend’s wedding.

And then it was 9:30 and Roxie began to wrap up the meeting. “There is one announcement tonight,” she said solemnly. “You may have noticed that Lawrence hasn’t been here in a while. I got the sad news this weekend that he passed away last Monday. Before we go, let’s have a traditional moment of silence for our friend.”

The room went quiet. Some people closed their eyes, others’ lips were moving in silent prayer. But I noticed that no one cried. It was like they’d been expecting the news. Maybe Lawrence had been sick for a long time. But then again, Roxie said something about a “tradition.” Maybe getting the news that a fellow group member had died wasn’t an altogether uncommon occurrence around here. The thought sent a shiver up my spine.

After about a minute, Roxie spoke again. “Thanks, everyone! Remember, there’s no meeting this Thursday, but I hope to see you all back here on Friday!”

I’d almost made it to the door when someone caught my arm. “Lucy, hold up.”

I turned. It was Roxie.

“Are you going to come back?” She looked at me like she knew I hadn’t been planning on it.

“Oh, um, I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe.”

“Well, we’re here every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Except this Thursday, you know, because of Thanksgiving.”

“Okay,” I said, turning back toward the door. “Thanks.”

“Lucy?”

“Yes?”

“It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

What do you say to that?

I just shrugged and left.

21

Sunrise, Sunset

I’d just gotten to school and was stashing my afternoon books in my locker when Courtney walked by, holding hands with Steven Kimani. They were both grinning from ear to ear, and I had barely gotten over the shock of seeing Courtney with a boy when I noticed something else: her mouth was conspicuously metal-free.

I didn’t take my eyes off the new couple until they had walked through the double doors at the end of the hall and out of sight. I hadn’t known she liked Steven. I hadn’t even known they knew each other. How had this happened?

And the braces! Courtney had had braces since sixth grade. Every time she went to the orthodontist she came back in tears because her stubborn overbite forced him to keep pushing back