My Life After Now - By Jessica Verdi Page 0,15

it dawned on me that you might think this was totally creepy and stalkery of me, showing up like this without calling. I don’t want you to think I’m one of those possessive, no-woman-of-mine-is-gonna-drive-herself-places types.”

“I don’t think that,” I said, laughing.

“Well, even so, I’m not driving you,” he said decisively. “We’ll take separate cars and meet at school.”

“Evan, that’s ridiculous. Not to mention bad for the environment.”

He thought for a moment. “Okay, then you drive me to school.”

He was so adorable. “Deal.” He moved to get in the passenger side of my car. “Wait,” I said. “What about breakfast?”

“Oh yeah!” He leaned in through his car window and took out several bags from various restaurants. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I got a few choices.” He spread everything out on the car hood. “OJ, coffee with milk and sugar, black coffee, and a good old-fashioned Coca-Cola in case you’re pro-caffeine but anti-coffee.”

I selected the black coffee with a wordless smile.

He nodded approvingly. “I like your style. And for food, we have a fine selection of bagel with cream cheese, fruit salad, jelly donut, and egg whites on whole wheat.”

I chose the bagel and gave him a kiss on a cheek. “This was really sweet, Evan. Thank you.”

He smiled. “You’re welcome. Now, drive me to school, woman!”

I burst out in laughter.

• • •

We were growing closer. We started sitting together in homeroom and at lunch, and walking together hand-in-hand in the halls. He neglected the PSP in favor of hanging out with me and my friends during rehearsal downtimes. He made everything better. He knew nearly everything about me, and when my own mind twisted my feelings into an unmanageable ball of confusion, he had a way of making things clear and unintimidating. In some ways, after only a few weeks, Evan knew me better than Ty ever had. I had never even told Ty about Lisa. And he had never asked.

Ty and Elyse were now officially “an item,” as my dads would call it. They’d taken their public displays of affection to a level only two drama queens could. They were always kissing and touching and rubbing each other. But like magic, the closer Evan and I became, the less I cared about Ty and Elyse. Several times I caught her darting a glance my way during a particularly touchy-feely moment between her and Ty, and it killed her that I wasn’t fazed by it anymore.

One Friday night, as Evan and I were leaving the movies, he turned to me and said, “So are you my girlfriend now?” in that ultra-casual way of his.

I laughed. “That depends. Do you want me to be?”

“Oh definitely.”

I grinned. “Well then, yes, I think I am.”

“Cool,” he said.

• • •

We’d been together nearly a month. Evan was over at my house, and for once Dad, Papa, and Lisa were all out. We were alone, up in my room, the door closed. I was playing him some songs on the guitar. But halfway through the second song, something happened. We locked eyes, my fingers stopped moving, the guitar was pushed to the side, and within two seconds we were all over each other.

We’d talked about sex before, but only in the context of our exes. Neither of us was a virgin. But we’d never talked about if or when we’d do it together. And now, it was looking like it was about to happen.

When Ty and I did it for the first time, it was a major production. We’d talked about it for months before we actually did it and planned out everything. The place, the day, the time, the music. Like everything in my life, I’d wanted it to be perfect.

It wasn’t how I’d imagined. I felt weird, being completely naked in front of a boy, even a boy as beautiful and attentive as Ty. And the actual “doing it” part was so awkward. How should we position our bodies? What should we do with our hands? Where should we look? Should we be talking during it or just letting the moment speak for itself?

And it hurt. A lot. So much, in fact, that I still could not believe evolution hadn’t figured out a solution to the whole hymen issue by now. It was over pretty quickly, and I was left wondering why everyone made such a big deal about sex.

Over time, though, I started to understand.

Just like I was understanding now. What it was like to want someone so badly, to