My Life After Now - By Jessica Verdi Page 0,11

again.

There was a song from Rent about the importance of forgetting the past and living for today. I repeated the lyrics in my head like a mantra. Forget regret. Yes. Excellent advice.

The only question was, how?

• • •

I heard somewhere that just the physical act of smiling can actually make you happier. So Monday morning, I slapped on a smile and went downstairs for breakfast, determined to put the events of the weekend firmly behind me. I hugged my dads and uttered a polite “good morning” to Lisa, who was sitting in the chair that no one ever used.

“Good morning,” she responded, surprised.

I coated an English muffin with grape jelly and settled down with yesterday’s New York Times Magazine. But my attention kept drifting across the table. I hadn’t had a chance to really look at Lisa until now. Her hair was short, sticking out from her head in inch-long spikes, and she was wearing deep red lipstick that was either skanky or sophisticated—I couldn’t decide. Her face was fuller than I’d remembered, but there were new creases around her eyes.

Breakfast slunk by in itchiness. It was like it was our first day being filmed for a reality show: the cameras were on us and we knew we were supposed to act normal…but we had completely forgotten what normal was. No one said much of anything, and there were a lot of uncertain glances being darted around. Every clink of silverware against a plate or rustle of a newspaper seemed amplified in the otherwise silent atmosphere. But we got through it.

The week forged ahead, and gradually things started to make sense again. I continued to avoid Lisa, and she avoided me right back. I aced my pre-calculus test and I was the only one who handed in the extra-credit assignment in Honors English. Courtney and Max and I went shoe shopping at the mall. Rehearsals with Ty and Elyse were still uncomfortable, but I was getting better at ignoring them.

I even felt like the smiling thing was working. The more I smiled, the happier I felt. As the days went by, I didn’t have to remind myself to smile at all.

7

Something Wonderful

A week after the Lee encounter, Andre finally dedicated an entire rehearsal to act 1, scene 4. Up until now, the schedule had been geared around Romeo and Juliet’s scenes, with the supporting characters only getting partial rehearsal time. But Mercutio was undoubtedly the star of this scene, and I was eager to sink my teeth into it. I got to take center stage and give a long, crazy speech about Queen Mab, the fairy who puts dreams in our sleeping heads.

The scene also features Romeo, and it was oddly therapeutic to drop my inhibitions and dance around shouting nonsense right in Ty’s face.

True, I talk of dreams;

Which are the children of an idle brain,

Begot of nothing but vain fantasy;

Which is as thin of substance as the air,

And more inconstant than the wind, who woos

Even now the frozen bosom of the North,

And, being angered, puffs away from thence,

Turning his face to the dew-dropping South.

It was the end of a rather exhausting, exhilarating rehearsal, and I finished the speech for the final time that day, surprised when applause came from the dark house. I hadn’t even realized people were watching. Shouldn’t they have been getting measured for costumes or helping the tech crew paint flats or rehearsing their own scenes in the practice rooms? The house lights came up, and it turned out that the majority of the cast was there. I had no idea how long they’d been watching.

Andre came up onto the stage. “Excellent work today, everyone. Truly great job, Lucy.” He squeezed my shoulder.

I couldn’t help glancing at Elyse out in the audience. Did I detect a hint of jealousy in her gloomy expression?

Andre kept me a few minutes after to give me some notes, so most of my castmates were already gone by the time I packed up my things and left the auditorium.

I was surprised to find Evan waiting for me in the deserted hallway.

“Hey,” I said.

He grinned and gave me a fist bump. “You killed it up there today,” he said as we walked to the parking lot.

“Thanks. I had no idea everyone was watching.”

“We weren’t at first, but how could we not be lured in by a beautiful girl shouting about giant cups of liquor and an old hag giving sex dreams to virgins? It was rad.”

Beautiful girl? A deep blush warmed my