My Lies, Your Lies - Susan Lewis Page 0,134
what’s happened. She’s drawn me in too. I can’t manage without her now, and I wouldn’t want to try. I look forward to seeing her when I wake up in the morning, and I think about her with fondness and gratitude as I fall asleep at night. You could say that she has become the light at the centre of my world, and you would be right to, because she is. She has a luminosity about her nature, her heart, her soul that is irresistible.’
Joely couldn’t help feeling pleased to hear her mother described this way, but she was more concerned about Freda right now, frail and shadowed by the disease she was no longer fighting, a small shell of humanity with a livewire brain.
‘How fortunate I am,’ Freda said, ‘that I didn’t succeed with my desire to destroy her. Yes, destruction was in my mind when I left here, although I wasn’t clear on how I was going to achieve it.’ She shook her head as though considering the actions of a child and finding them lamentable and na?ve. ‘I was too foolish to realize that all I needed to do was talk to her, she is very easy to talk to, but if I’d done that I might not have met you, Joely – and of all the blessings that have come my way these past months you are the one I’m most thankful for.’
Joely blinked, taking a moment to absorb this for it was something else she really hadn’t seen coming, especially as she and Freda had spent little time together these last few months. But then she knew only too well how capable Freda was of turning everything on its head so all she said was, ‘I’m surprised to hear that. I felt sure it would have been Mum you’d feel that way about.’
Freda replied with enthusiasm. ‘Oh, certainly she is a blessing too, there’s no doubt about that, and Holly – what a credit she is to you, so refreshing in her honesty and self-confidence, and if it weren’t for her I’d never have known the therapeutic value of binge-watching The Game of Thrones.’
Joely had to smile at that, for she knew the box-set absorption had done as much to bond Freda and Holly as it had to help distract Freda from the awful side effects of her treatments.
‘But it is you, Joely,’ Freda continued, ‘whom I hold most dear.’ She glanced over again, briefly but with the acutely assessing eyes that always made Joely feel as though she’d been seen through even when she had nothing to hide. ‘I can see that you’re puzzled by this, and perhaps disbelieving; I find that I am too, because I certainly hadn’t expected when you came here to end up seeing you as the daughter I wish I’d had, but that’s who you are. I like you, Joely. You are the kind of person I’d want to be if I were able to have my time over. You’re strong and loyal, intelligent, funny, caring, and you’ve brought gaiety into this house that hasn’t had any in far too long.’
Moved by this praise, Joely said, ‘We enjoy being here, all of us, you know that. You have a beautiful home and you’re a very easy-going and generous host – when you want to be, which we have to admit isn’t all of the time.’ She knew Freda would appreciate the teasing criticism and was glad to see the light that came into her eyes.
‘You know how I value unpredictability,’ she responded with humour. ‘Now let me tell you this – I’ve most enjoyed the Pink Martini parties,’ and just as she’d expected Joely broke into a surprised smile.
There had been a few of them by now with everyone drinking cocktails by the same name while shimmying outrageously and inexpertly to the Latin and jazz sounds that Freda hadn’t heard before. At the beginning she’d joined in the dancing, throwing herself into it with an abandon that had surprised them all, including her, but she no longer had the energy to let go of her inhibitions so she watched from the sidelines tapping her foot to the beat and clapping her hands.
Freda continued. ‘I like hearing your voice about the house when I’m in my room trying to recover from those ghastly sessions; it makes me feel less alone, if I’m allowed to say that. I enjoy our two-person book club in spite of how often we disagree –