He spoke quietly. ‘I wouldn’t want Barney to come home and think I’d tried to replace him.’ Registering the look that must now be on my face, he began to back-pedal. ‘I’m not saying no,’ he soothed, ‘it’s just – I wouldn’t feel comfortable. Not yet, not until Barney is found. Otherwise, it would be like … like I was …’ He faltered, unable to complete the thought.
Like you were admitting he was dead, I thought, finishing it for him.
As the waiter began to clear our plates, Jason took the opportunity to stand up and was about to disappear off to the loo when he stopped in his tracks. He retook his seat, an odd expression on his face. He seemed frightened, pissed off and embarrassed all at the same time.
‘Of all the nights,’ he muttered, taking a sup of lager.
He was looking at something or someone behind me. I shifted round in my seat to try and see.
‘Don’t. You’re being too obvious,’ he said, slinking low in his chair.
I pretended to get something out of my handbag on the floor and while I was there inclined my head slightly.
‘Heidi, don’t,’ he said again.
I scanned each section of the packed restaurant. Shiny red paper covered the walls, and the spaces between the tables and high-backed chrome chairs were marked by a series of mirrored pillars. As my eyes roved past the corner near the aquarium, I realised what the problem was. Jason’s ex-wife, Vicky, and her best friend, Mandy. They were taking off their coats and accepting menus from a waiter.
Vicky was dressed in skinny blue jeans and gladiator sandals and a black T-shirt hung off her left shoulder, its sleeves shredded into a fringe, a tiger design made up of spattered purple paint and sequins on the front. With long black hair, a tiny frame and perfect, doll-like features, Vicky was always adorned with clothing embellished with some kind of sparkle, glitter or studding. Mandy, meanwhile, was sporting a purple Lycra mini-dress and huge false eyelashes.
As well as being Vicky’s best friend, Mandy was also Barney’s godmother. She had been the matron of honour at their wedding, and when Vicky and Jason had divorced it had only been natural she take Vicky’s side.
It seemed likely they hadn’t clocked our presence yet.
I came back up to where Jason was glowering in his seat.
‘We can get the bill and have our dessert at home,’ I said, trying to pacify him. I tugged at my hold-ups. It felt like they were cutting into the tops of my thighs. ‘We shouldn’t let them spoil our night.’
But it was too late. I’d lost him.
Without waiting for the bill, Jason put down three £20 notes and stood up, ready to go. He didn’t stop to let me get my bag and coat and, with my ankle still sore from the fall the other night, I struggled to catch up.
He got to the bar (the halfway point between Vicky and Mandy and us) and paused. In order to leave the restaurant we would have to walk right past where they were sitting. Jason grabbed my hand in his and went for it, striding forwards, his head held high. My ankle was killing me, but I didn’t dare complain and so I hobbled along next to him as fast as I could. We were free and almost clear when we heard them go quiet. Jason hesitated for a split second but managed to keep going. He was reaching for the door handle when Mandy muttered something that sounded like ‘freaks’ under her breath. It was all Jason needed. He retraced his steps until he was standing over Mandy.
‘What did you say?’
At first I thought she was going to deny it. She looked scared and caught off guard and for a moment I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we’d heard her wrong. But then there was a ripple of hardness around her mouth that travelled all the way up to her eyes and it was clear she had decided to go through with it after all.
‘You heard me.’
‘Not quite, Mandy, love,’ said Jason, his voice sickly sweet. ‘That’s why I’d like to hear you say it again. To my face.’
‘Mandy, please,’ said Vicky, trying to defuse the situation. But Mandy dismissed her with a wave of her hand.
‘Go on Mandy, say it,’ challenged Jason.
I realised he had yet to let his gaze stray in Vicky’s direction.
But now Mandy’s cheek had started to wobble. Most of