She stood and stepped back. “Then go. I wouldn’t want you to appear dishonorable to anyone.”
“You’ve done that ever since you were a girl,” he said.
“Done what?”
“Started a fight when you were in the wrong.”
She frowned at him. “I’m not wrong now. I’m annoyed at you. I’m irritated. And I am, if I must admit, more than a little hurt. I offer myself to you, and all you can say is I’m picking a fight.”
“I love you.”
That stopped her in midtirade.
He stood and joined her. “I love you and I don’t want to do anything to dishonor you.”
“And you think loving me would dishonor me?” She shook her head. “Never, Gordon.”
He dropped his head, his cheek against hers. “Here I am, struggling to maintain my honor, and you’re doing your damnedest to be a temptation.”
“Very well,” she said. “Will you, at least, join me for dinner?”
“All alone, just the two of us?” he asked. “Whatever will the servants say?”
“Do you care?”
“Not one jot,” he said, smiling.
She had a glint in her eye. He knew that look. Jennifer would be up to mischief. Or perhaps seduction.
Chapter Sixteen
Jennifer took her time dressing for dinner. She wore one of her newer garments, something Ellen had insisted she include in her wardrobe.
“Who am I going to wear new dresses for?” she’d said at the time.
“You never know what’s going to happen,” Ellen had responded. “You need to ensure that you have a wardrobe commensurate with any activity.”
“My activities consist of taking care of Adaire Hall. Occasionally, I’ll ride out to visit a neighbor. Or I’ll take a carriage to Edinburgh to see you. Beyond that . . .” Her words had trailed off to meet Ellen’s frown.
“You’re not on the shelf, you know,” her godmother said. “It’s still possible for you to find someone to fall madly, deeply, passionately in love with.”
Jennifer hadn’t responded. She was already madly, deeply, and passionately in love with Gordon. Just because she hadn’t confessed that fact to Ellen didn’t change the reality of it.
However, arguing with Ellen was a losing proposition.
The only time she’d wanted to get a new wardrobe was after her mother had died, but Ellen had been adamant about honoring Mary’s wishes.
“Wearing one color or another will not make you mourn your mother more or less. Besides, she was insistent that you not wear mourning for more than a month. You know that well enough.”
“It doesn’t seem right,” Jennifer said at the time.
“It was right for Mary. It was her only wish. She didn’t want to see you buried beneath yards of crepe. How does that show respect?”
She had looked at her godmother. “Then why did you wear black for Colin for so many months?”
“That was entirely different.”
Even though she thought she’d been rational, she’d lost that war with Ellen.
This dress was emerald, a shade of green she especially liked. The collar was lace, as were the cuffs. Although it was three years old, it was still flattering, accentuating her waist and both the curve of her hips and her bosom.
She did her hair herself, pulling it up and pinning it so that it fell in a cascade. If she was more talented with curling tongs, she would’ve used those, but every time she tried, she burned herself. She didn’t want to mar this evening by being in pain.
A touch of rouge to her lips and a final inspection and she was done.
How had she lived without seeing Gordon every day? How had she been able to sleep, rise, do all those tasks that needed doing without the promise of being able to talk to him, embrace him, and kiss him?
The Hall was too large, too filled with people, too oppressive and demanding. It required sacrifice and she’d done exactly that for years. Now she was tired of it, and pushing back for the first time.
She didn’t want the responsibility any longer. She wanted Lauren to have her baby and take over her rightful duties as the Countess of Burfield. Jennifer didn’t want the staff to come to her with problems or issues.
All she wanted was to be with Gordon.
He had already told her so much about those missing years, but she wanted to know everything. Whom he met, the people he employed, what he did every day—she wanted to share every aspect of his life.
Everything in her life had changed in the past two days. It was like living in a world filled with clouds, and all