was as if he could move again, as if he could breathe.
Behind Patrick, Ciaran strode their way looking like a thundercloud. His gaze was riveted on Bannon, and his jaw clenched tight. He looked like a man who’d not only gone to war—with blood staining his plaid—but like a man still engaged in said war. Perhaps Marcus should have added relationship advice to his teachings when he had Ciaran for fostering, because this was not going to go well.
Ciaran stopped about a yard from Bannon, who was still walking toward him in a happy-go-lucky sort of gait. “What in the hell are ye doing here?” Ciaran all but shouted.
Bannon stopped abruptly. His back was to Marcus, but Marcus read the droop in his shoulders, then the immediate stiffening of his spine and the lift of his chin. Without a word, Bannon turned back to him and walked off, dismissing Ciaran without so much as a by-your-leave.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Perhaps I should look to women for a relationship? Galaxy knows, there aren’t any good men left.”
—Timothy on relationships.
“You should talk to him.”
Bannon snorted and picked another rock out of the battlements and tossed it toward the lake, which he actually hit this time. The rock disappeared into the inky black water on the edge of the shore with a ripple that marred the glassy surface. He did not want to talk to Ciaran. He was so angry he was afraid he might plant him a facer. At the moment, planting anyone a facer would feel rather good, he suspected. Funny, he’d never understood men who had to hit things to feel better. He remembered his sire once punching a hole in the wall because Father had taken up cigars again. The anger finally made sense.
He’d gone to the base to help, worried about Ciaran’s safety, worried for his new friends….
“Bannon?” Marcus finally came forward and stopped next to him, staring out at the lake.
“Shouldn’t you be downstairs making sure Patrick doesn’t kill Admiral Jenkins?” Bannon winced at his own tone. Dust, he’d sounded like a complete arsehead. But he didn’t take it back. He needed to be alone.
Marcus chuckled. “You are your father’s son. I’ve never met anyone who could do pompous like your father when he wants. I think that is what makes him such a good politician. He’s very good at putting people in their place.”
A pang hit Bannon in the gut. He missed his father, even if he was still mad at him. “I’m sorry. I have no right to talk to you that way. Not only are you my better, you are my friend. Forgive me?”
The hand on his shoulder squeezed. “I’m not your better. No one is. And there is nothing to apologize for. I understand why you are upset. I would be too. Galaxy knows, Patrick and I have had our rows over the years. Relationships aren’t easy in this environment.” He gestured out at the landscape with his other arm. “This place makes everything more intense. It’s all about life or death here.”
Exactly! And that was what he could not deal with. “That’s just it. Ciaran and I don’t have a relationship.” You couldn’t have a relationship without trust and mutual respect.
“Are you sure?”
Nodding, Bannon glanced off into the distance and the rugged beauty he’d come to appreciate. “I can’t deal with the constant threat of death. It’s no way to live, and it’s no way to love.”
“Ah, but that’s just it. Real love is always that intense. It’s always life or death. Why do you think they include the vows until death do us part? It certainly isn’t because the marriage ends after death. Galaxy knows, Patrick will be a pain in my side even after death. He’d probably haunt me. I know I’d haunt him if he outlives me and tries to find another consort.”
Bannon grinned, as was Marcus’s intention, but his heart wasn’t in it. He just didn’t see any way for him and Ciaran to continue. He couldn’t deal with not being respected, with being ignored and having his ideas seen as insignificant. And he couldn’t cope with always wondering if Ciaran was going to come home. Because what did he have here if he didn’t have Ciaran? At least at home he had his art and his friends. And his family—they had to love him, which was why when he went home, he was going to lay down the law, so to speak. He was not going to allow them to