household gathered in the banquet room for the meal. The panel doors were thrown open and additional
tables and chairs were assembled in the courtyard so the feast could include everyone in the mansion. The tables were then loaded with plates of vegetables and platters of whole fried fish. Steamed buns were piled high to form a pyramid and you couldn’t extend your arm without encountering a flask of wine. Everyone ate and talked and ate. It truly was a family in every way but blood.
Yan Ling tried to put on a good face. She took a morsel off every platter, but she could only pick listlessly at the meal. Fei Long sat at the head of the table and each man tried to get him to drink with them. Even the stable boy tried to ply him with wine, to everyone’s amusement. As usual, Fei Long endured the taunts and enjoyed his tea.
Despite the laughter all around him, he barely broke a smile. He met her eyes once across the table and his look appeared weighted with thought, but she couldn’t read anything deeper from it. Her keen ability to identify Fei Long’s subtle moods failed her at this most critical time.
Midway through the meal, she gave up and stopped forcing herself to smile and laugh. It was impossible to speak to Fei Long alone. Everyone wanted his attention tonight. She’d heard the same story from ten different viewpoints about how Fei Long had won the match.
She sipped at a cup of wine and her face went hot, as she’d expected. Maybe she was hoping Fei Long would comment about it as he’d done after the play. Everything she did was a line, cast out into the ocean, trying to reach out to him from across the crowded room. All of her efforts failed.
Finally, she bid farewell to everyone. She was tired, she said. The day had been a long one. No one looked twice as she slipped away. Instead of returning to her chamber, Yan Ling went to the beloved study. It was dark inside and she moved about the room, lighting the lanterns. With all of them glowing, the study almost appeared the way she knew it—by the light of the afternoon sun as the day slowly waned.
She looked to the empty place where her writing desk once stood and her spirit shattered. The desk had been moved against the wall in the corner. She had been cast aside as well.
Yan Ling went behind Fei Long’s desk and ran her hand along the intricate carvings along the back of his chair. There was a worn spot over the arm where his elbow rested. She sat down and touched her fingers to the smooth, bared wood.
Something had been bothering her for a while. The last time she’d been in Fei Long’s study at night, it had been so dark she could barely see. They had needed to forge papers to get through the ward gates. When she had fumbled through Fei Long’s desk to search for the jade seal, she’d found something else as well. They had been so worried about Fei Long that night that she didn’t have time to investigate.
She pulled the drawer open now, almost afraid of what she would find. More afraid of what she wouldn’t find.
The stack of papers was near the top. They’d been shoved haplessly inside, which she wouldn’t have expected of Fei Long. Holding her breath, she dug the papers out and laid them onto the desk. Her fingers shook as she separated the pages to spread them out.
It was the same two characters on each page.
‘I must have been so obvious.’
She jumped and her hand flew to her throat. Fei Long stood there in the doorway, his gaze intent on her. Her pulse skipped dangerously.
‘I was afraid everyone could sense my inner thoughts. The emotions shouted from inside me.’ He came into the room and shut the door carefully behind him. ‘The more I tried to hide it, the more I was convinced you could see how I felt in every look.’
Yan Ling stared down at the calligraphy. It was her name. Written over and over in so many different ways.
‘There is a balance inherent in the art of writing, of shū.’ His voice was quiet, stroking gently over her skin. ‘Defined rules about how to write each character. Every stroke has its place and position.’
As he approached, she became aware how their usual situation had been reversed. She was