He’d kissed her only once in this study, but had thought of it many, many times. Yan Ling had all but seduced him, merely because he’d come close enough to smell her perfume. If he tried to take her in his arms now, she might succumb, but it wasn’t what she truly wanted. It wasn’t what he wanted either.
At least not all he wanted.
‘Thank you for your concern,’ he said.
He held the door open for her and watched her disappear out into the parlour before closing it. He could be cruel as well, as cruel as she had been in the park that morning. But Yan Ling’s cruelty was the kind that had opened his eyes. He knew what he had to do.
Fei Long pressed a hand to his ribs to ease the throb building there. His mind and spirit were determined, if only he could will his body to obey.
Chapter Twenty-One
Why wasn’t Fei Long practising? Yan Ling tracked his comings and goings for the next two days, becoming an incessant nuisance to the servants whenever she needed information. He had left the house once to go to the herbalist’s shop and another time to drink tea alone at a quiet establishment in the corner of the East Market. Drinking tea by himself and brooding exactly like when she’d first met him.
Fei Long hadn’t made another trip to the practice range. His bow hadn’t left his room.
‘He’s given up,’ she lamented to Bai Shen.
The handsome actor stood on one side of the front gate while she stayed on the other.
‘There’s nothing to worry about. You haven’t seen Fei Long with a bow in his hands,’ he bragged.
‘You don’t understand. I have seen Fei Long try to shoot. Do something, Bai Shen. Please.’
‘What do you want me to do?’
‘I don’t know. Anything.’
She tried to talk to Fei Long directly, but Dao had become a diligent chaperon. The servant girl was quite skilled at redirection and obstruction. There was not one moment when Yan Ling was left alone with the master of the house.
* * *
On the morning of the contest, the entire household rose early from their beds. Yan Ling was relieved when Fei Long appeared in the courtyard. He wore solid black that day without adornment. His bow was slung over his shoulder.
She rushed to him. ‘Good luck today. May every arrow hit its target.’
It took a moment for him to focus on her. ‘Thank you, Yan.’
‘I thought you were taking a lighter bow.’
Fei Long had brought the exact same one she’d seen him practise with that ill-fated morning. He glanced over his shoulder as if just realising it was there. ‘I realised that would be admitting defeat.’
He sounded so grave and serious with the weight of the world on his shoulders and a thousand thoughts in his head. He was being stubborn, considering he tired too quickly with that bow, but she admired his courage. Pride bubbled within her, and then another, unnameable emotion took root.
Suddenly she couldn’t breathe.
‘I wish I could come and watch,’ she said, barely keeping her voice from trembling with this new discovery. He was so determined and unwavering and she loved him for it. The thought settled into her chest and grew until there wasn’t enough room inside her. She loved him.
‘We don’t know who will be there,’ he said. ‘And I don’t want Zōu seeing you or Dao and getting any ideas.’
Fei Long always worried over the welfare of others before himself.
She placed a red scarf across his palm. Making sure Dao was nowhere in sight, she squeezed his hand once only. It ached to look at him with so much hope and fear in her heart. ‘You’ll do well today.’
He forced a smiled for her benefit. It was a painful thing to watch. She smiled back, equally pained. With a final nod, he straightened his shoulders and headed out to the competition.
As soon as he was gone, Dao came out from her room, wearing a plain grey tunic and trousers. She stopped to tuck her hair into the wool cap. ‘Do I look like a stable boy?’
Yan Ling looked her over, head to toe. Her gaze stayed on the toe part. Dao followed her line of sight downwards.
‘Oh.’ Dao wiggled her feet within the pink embroidered slippers.
* * *
Bai Shen intercepted Fei Long at the end of the street and they ducked into a side alley. Without a word, Bai Shen took the quiver of arrows from him to lighten Fei Long’s