Long gutted. Her hands were folded obediently in her lap and she kept her head bowed. It was just too soon.
Too soon for what? He knew the journey was inevitable. That she would go away. Yan Ling had sworn to see this through to the end with him. He’d sworn to do his best to teach her. What would one month or two buy them anyway? Nothing but a little more time and a few more memories.
‘I must thank the official for coming to tell us personally.’ Fei Long was unable to evoke any sincerity.
Tong must have made sure he had the honour of delivering the bad news himself. Fei Long forced his tone to remain cordial as Inspector Tong gave a few more details and then took his leave with a bow.
Fei Long accompanied the official to the gate to ensure his dark presence was gone from the house. Yan Ling was still sitting in the same spot when he returned to the parlour.
‘What does it matter—first wife, second wife, concubine?’ she said, staring ahead. ‘Still much more privileged than a lowly tea girl, right?’
She was asking for assurances, but he couldn’t utter them. He couldn’t lie.
‘Yan, if you don’t want to go—’
‘What? Such nonsense. Of course I want to go.’ She stood and paced away from him. ‘I vowed I wouldn’t disappoint you.’
That vow. The one he had no right to ask of her.
He rose. ‘You don’t have to do this.’
‘Oh, the death of me,’ she muttered.
‘What is it?’
‘The shoes.’
‘Shoes?’
She clasped her hands together, her fingers twining in agitation.
‘I won’t have enough time to fix them,’ she told him earnestly, as if the shoes were the most important thing in the world. ‘I tried to embroider them. With tigers,’ she explained while he stared at her. ‘The left one is a little bit better than the right one, but they’re laughable. Completely unacceptable.’
He was at a loss. Why were they speaking about shoes and tigers? ‘We can purchase new ones at the market.’
She nodded at his suggestion and took a calming breath, but it was no use. The storm clouds swept in. Her lips quivered before she crumbled. He went to her as fast as he could and folded his arms around her. She trembled against him, smelling like flowers and spring.
‘Yan.’ He pressed his lips against her hair and embraced her tighter. The effort made his wound ache, but the pain meant nothing if he could only hold her. ‘You’ll be all right. I’ll take care of everything.’
He needed very much for those words to mean something.
Yan Ling raised her hand to his chest to push him away, but for a moment she surrendered, closing her eyes and resting her head against his shoulder. It wasn’t long before she squirmed out of his grasp, but in that brief moment, she smelled right. She felt right.
In his arms.
‘What happened with Zōu?’ she asked, her voice choked.
‘We spoke. You don’t need to worry about him.’
‘Right. No one need ever worry about anything.’ She looked away to compose herself. ‘Only you.’
They fell to silence. Bai Shen was right. He’d let this go on too long when he should have come to his senses long ago. Yan Ling didn’t owe him this sacrifice. He’d done nothing to deserve it.
‘I’ll tell Minister Cao the truth—that Pearl ran away.’
‘Don’t you dare!’ Her eyes flashed angrily as she swung around. ‘You’ll lose everything. All we’ve done, all we’ve worked for. Your family will be dishonoured. The entire household will be sent to the streets to beg.’
Her passion took him aback. ‘This isn’t your burden to bear.’
‘Then why is it yours alone?’ she demanded.
The words caught in his throat. He was stunned. He was the eldest son. The only son. No one would ever question that this was his responsibility and no one else’s. ‘You don’t have to do this…for me.’
‘I’m not.’ She bent her head. ‘This is what I came here to do.’ When she met his eyes, her gaze was clear. ‘I’m just sad to go. Any girl would be. Call it weakness.’
‘You’re not weak, Yan Ling.’
He watched her as she pulled even further away from him, fighting to control her emotions. She wasn’t very good at hiding them. Not like him.
‘Not weak at all,’ he asserted, quietly, to no one but himself.
* * *
Yan Ling retreated to the solitude of her room, claiming that she had a headache. She shut all the windows so it was dark and cool. Then she curled