footsteps and the echo of his voice from the far reaches of the house. She always knew when he left in the morning and always noted his return. It was a game she played only with herself and there was no way of winning.
Whenever he was home, there would be a chance of meeting in a hallway. She might catch a glimpse as he left a room. How she hungered for those accidental meetings. This time there was nothing accidental about their meeting. Fei Long quite deliberately lowered himself beside her. She shivered as his sleeve brushed against her arm.
‘Are you cold?’
She shook her head, though she pulled her arms tighter around herself, her pulse racing. Fei Long breathed deep to take in the clean essence of the morning, then exhaled slowly. She was already reaching out to take in as much of him as she could: the broad shape of his hands, the quiet strength of his presence. Warmth and security radiated from him.
‘Please don’t give me any more advice,’ she said as he started to speak. A hundred crickets were already chirping away in her head.
‘I was only going to say that you don’t have to worry.’
She nodded, even though she could already feel her tongue growing thick at all the proper speech she would need to coax from it that day.
‘As long as you don’t throw any tea on Inspector Tong, you’ll be all right,’ he continued, amused.
The reminder of their first meeting unsettled her even more. It hinted of a false intimacy between them. They had no right to share such memories.
I’m only doing this for you, she wanted to cry out. Instead it wasn’t even a whisper. He would never truly understand and the knowledge wounded her.
She smoothed her skirt over her knees nervously. ‘I wish Inspector Tong was here right now so it could be done with.’
‘I know.’
‘Maybe you should have asked Bai Shen to stand in and play Pearl instead,’ she suggested.
Fei Long laughed and the warmth from it penetrated the coolness of the morning. ‘You’re much better for the role.’
He sat with her in silence on the stone bench while the sky lightened to purple, then pink. Gradually the morning chased back the shadows.
‘Are you sure you can count on Bai Shen, as unpredictable as he is in the morning?’ she asked.
‘He can always be trusted when there’s a performance. That’s exactly what this morning will be for him.’
Fei Long had moved closer to her, or somehow she had inched closer to him. In another time, in another life, he might put his arm around her. There would be no arranged marriage and no alliance. She’d have more than a few glances and incidental moments between them.
But then, what next? She didn’t even know enough about proper courtship to fill out her misbegotten fantasies.
‘A performance for us as well.’ She looked to him, admiring the strong lines of his profile in the morning light. When he turned to her, she refused to look away. ‘Promise me you’ll stay beside me the entire time.’
‘I promise.’
His gaze held on to her and she knew then that Fei Long wouldn’t let anything happen. She would do this for him. So he could be proud and think well of her.
* * *
Old Liang sent the stable boy to keep watch at the ward gate and he returned with news shortly before the Horse hour. Inspector Tong was heading towards them accompanied only by a single attendant.
‘Minister Cao isn’t with him,’ Dao confirmed as she rushed inside to take her place.
Yan Ling sat upon the couch in the front parlour as they had practised. Fei Long was seated across from her. Her heart pounded so hard she feared it would seize up. Her palms sweated. She rubbed them against her sleeves, but within moments they were damp again.
‘Don’t worry.’ To her surprise, Fei Long reached out to squeeze her hand before rising. ‘You’ll do fine, Pearl.’
He gave her a reassuring nod. The look she returned him was wide-eyed with fear. She felt like a hunted animal caught in a snare while she waited. Voices came from the front of the house and Fei Long disappeared around the corner. This was it. The deception began here and they couldn’t turn back.
‘Dao!’ she whispered fiercely.
‘What?’ The hissed reply came back from behind the screen.
A wave of light-headedness took hold of Yan Ling and her stomach churned. ‘I’m going to faint.’