sat across from her, still holding her hand. “It’s okay, Mom. I get it. It doesn’t matter. Really.” I turned my attention to the menu, ignoring the stirring of pain in my chest. “Poached eggs for you today?”
“Hey…”
I glanced up at her soft voice.
“Stop bullshitting me. I know it’s not okay. I hurt you by not being around, and I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”
I blinked back sudden tears as they pricked at my eyes and coughed to clear the lump in my throat. I’d missed my mom.
She gripped my hand tighter. “Nicky, I love you more than life,” she said in a strong, low voice. “Please know that will never change.” She shook her bangs out of her eyes. “And I know you’re a spectator, watching the rest of my life change without being able to influence any of it, and change is scary, but this is a good change. I promise.” When she finished, her eyes gleamed, as if the spark inside her was fueled by thoughts of her new husband, and some of the tension inside me loosened.
I blew out a small sigh. “You know what? I actually do get it, and it’s okay. I’m happy you’re happy.” But part of me grew smaller, knowing my efforts had never, would never, have been enough. Mom needed a partner, not just a son.
Mom laughed and picked up her own menu, giving me a teasing narrow-eyed glance over the top. “I’m glad to hear that, especially if it means you’ll stop being abrupt with Roy and stomping around the house every time you come over and find there’s nothing to fix.”
I groaned as my face prickled with embarrassed heat.
Mom laughed and I shrugged. I wouldn’t apologize for my desire to protect her and look after her. Dad had died and left us, but I didn’t plan to abandon her too. But she was genuinely happy—the smile on her face told me, and the carefree tone of her laugh confirmed it, and I’d do anything to keep her feeling that way, even if it meant stepping back from the duties of care I’d undertaken for years and letting Roy shoulder some of that.
Then she flagged the waiter and ordered her eggs poached, light on the butter, and the part of my world that hadn’t sat right for nearly a month slotted back into place.
I had a spring in my step that hadn’t been there for a while as I made my way down the corridor toward my office.
“Hey, Nico. Looking good today.” Malcolm smiled in his usual shit-eating way, but I grinned right back, and his eyes widened like I’d surprised him.
“Thanks, Malcolm. I’m feeling it.”
He took a step back into his office as I walked by, and his usually high energy dimmed a little, as I was no fun without the chase.
I breezed through the door into my empty office, and I breathed in the silence, and the faint remains of pepper and bergamot scent. Even when Jamie wasn’t actually here, he wasn’t far from my awareness. A large coffee stood on my desk, and I wrapped my hand around it. It was still warm and from my favorite shop.
One sip drew rich, creamy, hazelnut-tinted flavor to the back of my mouth, and I exhaled in satisfaction. Yes, today was going to be a good one.
“They said this is how you like it.”
At Jamie’s unexpected voice, I fumbled the cup, nearly spilling it across my desk, and my heart rate ratcheted up, becoming almost painful as it thudded against my ribs.
“Shit,” I growled as I shook some drops of coffee off my hand.
“Oh, sorry. So sorry.” Jamie rushed toward me, already pulling a tissue from some pocket somewhere.
I tried not to look too close in case I got distracted by the fit of his clothes or… I waved him away. “No worries.”
His face stayed pinched, his forehead creased.
“Seriously.” I smiled, trying to reassure him. “I was just thinking about the case today.”
“I didn’t mean to startle you. Did you get burned?”
I laughed. “Seriously, Jamie, chill. And thank you for the coffee.” I raised the cup in his direction and walked around the desk to my chair, glad of the reason to put some distance between us. “It’s perfect.”
As I spoke the last two words, heat simmered in his eyes before he dropped his gaze to the floor.
My God, he seemed more attractive than even yesterday. While he stood in my office, eyes fixed to the floor, I watched him, assessing