My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding - By Katya Starkey Page 0,62

it in the end, right?” I shout this a bit too loudly.

“Worth what? Ohhhhhhhh… it does sting a bit, but the glue is saline soluble, Emily. There’s really no need to panic.”

No need to panic? Maybe Stacy should be the one sitting here while I pour what feels like boiling hot nail varnish remover into her eyes. Then we’d see who likes being told not to panic. It’s taking all of my will power not to squeeze my eyes shut. Outwardly, to any patrons and hairstylists in this salon, I look the picture of calm as I lie here with my eyes closed. I just keep swiping tears off my cheeks with my trusty tissue. Inside though, I’m a mess of pain.

“Finished!”

What a lovely word Stacy has just uttered. I don’t think I could have stood another second of such torture. I blink open my eyes to a scene of pure blur that’s overshadowed by darkness.

Oh. That must be the false lashes hanging over my top lids like a dark cloud. Wow, I really hadn’t expected them to be so thick.

“What do you think?” Stacy swaps my sodden tissue for a hand mirror so I can have a closer look.

“Oh my.” I gasp in surprise. “They really do look lovely.” I’m not even wearing any makeup and my new thick lashes make me look like a glamour model.

“Don’t they just?” Stacy smiles and squeals. “Well worth the pain, innit?”

I have to agree with her. Besides, it didn’t really sting that much. “Forgive me, Stacy. I’m such a drama queen sometimes.”

“Well you get fifty per cent off your next lash extension visit—”

“No!” I cry out before she can finish telling me about her offer. “I mean, no… sorry. I won’t be needing big eyelashes after my wedding.” On second afterthought, that whole process really did sting.

When my vision clears I can finally head out of the salon. I don’t see Tina at all before I leave. I assume she’s off somewhere with that bloody robot. Doing what, I have no idea. Combined with hers’ and Paige’s weirdness about their bots though, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to discover the two ladies were becoming oddly attached to their mechanical helpers.

As I walk along the pavement I’m careful to take things slow. I have to. There’s still a dark presence above my field of vision. Maybe I should have asked Stacy not to make my false lashes so thick. I really am struggling to see under the dark shadow of fake hairs on my eyelid. When I sit down in my car, it’s even worse. I’m simply not going to be able to see well enough to drive home. Unless…

I open my eyelids hugely.

“Oh my.”

That’s brightened up my world. The dark mass of false lashes lifts away from my vision. I can see again. It’s only when our sight is obstructed that we don’t realise how much there is to see all around! I feel like a woman renewed. To hell with those bloody internet trolls. A beautifying salon visit is just what I’d needed.

Glancing in the rear view mirror I’m pleased at the way my eyelashes look. They’re pretty when I’m not bulging my eyes trying to see. I’m going to have to drive home like this though. I just hope I don’t crash. It does take a bit longer to blink with my eyes wide open.

***

At home I land on the couch and flick on the telly. Daytime TV is so abysmal I find myself dozing within minutes.

“Ack!” I scream and sit straight up. “I’m blind!”

Oh no. Patting my face with my hands, things are worse than I thought. My eyelids are glued shut from the stupid false lashes I’d had attached!

“Bollocks,” I hiss and tumble off the sofa. After crawling into the loo, I carefully get to my feet and lean on the sink. With just as careful fingers, I manage to pry apart my glued shut lids. When I look into the mirror I’m horrified to find two squashed spiders living just below my eyebrows.

The false lashes had become smashed during my nap.

“Oh hideousness,” I whimper as my bottom lip trembles with involuntary sadness. Nothing ever goes right for me. My once gorgeous eyes now look ridiculous. I’ve got to get these things off, but they’re semi-permanent, so I have no idea how I’m supposed to remove them.

As I leave the cloakroom I’m tempted to get back down onto all fours, I can barely see through the pile