a paper planner.” I shrugged. “They’re really quite practical.”
“Wow. I’m not touching that statement with a ten-foot pole.” She slid her phone out of her pocket, checking a message. “Sorry, that’s Graham.”
“She accused me of using her like a fix.” The admission slipped out as a whisper.
“Are you?” Quinn’s eyebrows shot up, and she put her phone back.
“I…” Touching her was the ultimate rush. Being inside her was the sweetest oblivion possible, where nothing else mattered but how good I could make her feel. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s more than that. I don’t have words to describe the way I feel about her, but when it comes to sex? I don’t know.”
“I’m impressed that you recognize it.” Quinn nodded. “I think there’s a certain level of addiction we all have for the people we love. I live off the sound of Graham’s voice, his touch, his smile.” She sighed. “I don’t know where that line is for you, but I bet your therapist does. And there’s a word for what you feel—it’s love.”
Love.
The perpetual ache in my chest grew, sweetened even through the pain. Shit. Yeah, I was in love with her. “I’m no good for her.”
“You should probably let her decide that, don’t you think?”
“Maybe I should let her find someone capable of loving her the way she deserves. Someone who doesn’t have to be fixed.”
“Yeah, well, if you can live with knowing she’s out there with someone else, kissing them, loving them, marrying them, making babies with—”
“Holy hell, stop!” I rubbed at my chest.
“Right. There’s your answer. Now Colin wants pizza, so why don’t you grab the new phone I left you on the kitchen counter and join us?” She nodded toward the door.
“Leave the penthouse.”
“I’ll hold your hand the whole time, big boy.” She wiggled her fingers. “Come on. There’s life out there, and while I’ll ignore your possession of a paper planner, I do insist that you power up that phone. It’s already set to your old number. Unless you’ve decided to go back to mailing letters instead of texting?” She raised her eyebrows.
“You’re lucky I’m hungry.”
“Not interested,” I told Chris as I walked by the gathering outside my dressing room a few weeks later.
We weren’t supposed to be at this festival, but the whole thing had come together as an impromptu fundraiser, which meant I was backstage in the middle of Chicago, with about an hour to showtime.
“Noted.”
“Jonas never has this crowding issue,” I said, my hand on the door handle. Pretty sure Zoe broke me, because none of the women even looked appealing. I just wanted them all gone.
“With all due respect, Nix, Jonas never set that precedent.” He lifted his heavy black brows, clearly insinuating that I had.
“Right. Well, let’s change—” The words died on my tongue as I looked down the hall.
Zoe.
She was maybe twenty feet away, talking to the band she’d signed. Her heels were high, but she’d foregone her typical dress for a tightly tailored black pantsuit that cupped every curve the way I wanted to. She smiled at the lead singer, and my heart stopped, then thundered.
That’s not her romantic smile, it’s her professional one, I reminded myself, but it didn’t help. That clawing, insidious little knife in my stomach was jealousy. That kid was barely old enough for the beer in his hand, and he hadn’t earned a smile from the woman I loved. He didn’t know she liked honey in her tea, or that salted caramel ice cream was her favorite. He didn’t know her over-organization was the result of the first man she’d ever loved telling her she’d never be good enough. He didn’t know her favorite pajamas were the panda ones that made her look like a fucking sorority girl at a sleepover, or that her underwear always matched and was ninety percent lace. He didn’t know how she tasted, how she sounded right before she came, and if he did, I was going to kick his ass and break the fingers on his left hand so he couldn’t even strum that little guitar of his.
He sure as hell didn’t know how it felt to slide inside her bare, skin on skin, with nothing between us but my own goddamned walls. That torture was mine, and mine alone.
“You see something you might be interested in down there?” Chris asked.
“More than interested.”
“Thought so.”
I turned my head to find him smirking at me. “You knew. You knew she was here.”