“No, no. It’s cool. You’re passionate about it.” It was in the smoky quality of his voice. In the way the words had pulled him back from…whatever it was he’d been dealing with. There was something incredible about it, about his obvious love of music. About knowing who he was and what he was supposed to do.
“What are you passionate about?” he asked. The question nearly stopped my heart. No one had asked me that before. No one cared.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
He frowned as if he hadn’t expected that answer. I sure as shit hadn’t planned on saying it.
Before I could question it, before I could tell myself it was stupid and weird because I didn’t fucking know this guy, I asked, “When did you know?”
His frown deepened. “I’ve always known.” And I envied him. I wanted to feel something as completely as he seemed to.
My eyes darted down, almost embarrassed, and yep, that was a hole in his shoe.
“Do you go to the university?” I asked, not sure what else to say.
“Nah, school’s not really my thing.”
“Oh.” And…where did we go from there?
Remington broke the silence. “You do, though.” It wasn’t a question, but still I nodded.
“I’m a freshman, studying business. I’m from Havenwood. You probably haven’t heard of it. Are you from around here?”
“Not too far. Like an hour or so. There aren’t places for me to play at home, so I come to Charlottesville.”
“You’re really good,” I said again, feeling strangely insecure. I’d never felt that shit in my life. Well, that was probably a lie. Everyone felt unsure about something, but again, I was usually one who could settle in and feel comfortable in every situation. And yet, I felt out of my element sitting there with Remington.
“Thanks…”
“Oh. Lawson,” I said, realizing he didn’t know my name. Jesus fuck. What was wrong with me?
“Remington.”
“I heard.”
“Oh yeah. Obviously.” His eyes darted away, that pink back on his freckled cheeks.
Then suddenly, we were both laughing. It started off as a chuckle and got louder. These deep belly laughs that made absolutely no sense. Maybe we were both a little fucked in the head, but at least we were doing it together.
“I don’t know what I’m laughing about,” I finally said.
“Me either,” he replied, which just made us do it more.
A couple walked by and looked at us like there was something wrong with us, and I couldn’t say I blamed them.
“I think…I think I’m going to go for a walk before heading out.”
My gut clenched, nerves running down my spine. Like an idiot, I simply sat there and stared at him.
He frowned, then, “Do you, um…wanna go?” he asked, his voice softer, shy.
I’d never had a guy ask me to go for a walk in my life. Not that I hadn’t walked with men. Maybe it was ridiculous, but in the asking, it felt unique. And it wasn’t anything I had ever considered before, that different feeling with a dude. He was so damn interesting to me.
“That was dumb. I didn’t mean anything by it. I don’t know why I asked—”
“No,” I cut him off. “Let’s go.”
We stood. “Do you want to put your backpack in my car?” He pointed to it. “I know it’s not much…”
“It runs. That’s what matters.” I handed it over, and he put it in the trunk alongside his guitar.
We were quiet as we started to walk. Eventually, I asked him again about music. It was like a fire lit in his eyes, and I couldn’t help but lose myself in the glow. I’d never loved anything as much as Remington obviously loved music. He talked about how he’d written all his life and how he’d always been interested in playing. About a used guitar he got at a yard sale when he was nine and how he’d never looked back. He taught himself how to play and read music.
“What about your family?”
“Don’t know where my dad is.” He shrugged. “It’s me, Mom, my brother and sister. You?”
“I have a brother and sister as well. I’m the oldest.”
“Same! Mom’s always had it rough, taking care of all of us. I’m hoping one day she won’t have to. I’ll be able to do it with my music, ya know?” He glanced my way before eyeing the ground again. “I mean, I doubt it’ll happen. I get it, but…”
“I think you will.” Sometimes you said things to people simply to say them, because it was the right thing or because you wanted to