Mr. Smithfield - Louise Bay Page 0,37
person, purely for the sake of having her by my side. Autumn was shifting everything—what I ate, what time I came home from work and now, what I was looking forward to.
“We need to pack and—” Her smile fell. “What should I tell Hollie? I can’t exactly say we’re going away together.”
Seeing her so concerned about what her sister would say took the sheen off my pleasure. I still didn’t know what was happening between us, so I wasn’t encouraging her to tell her sister. But the thought that she had to hide something from someone she was so close to didn’t sit well with me. “I’m going for work, Autumn. You’re coming to look after Bethany so I’m not away from her for a week.”
She nodded. “Yes, that’s right. That is what’s really happening.” She grinned up at me. “And anyway, she should be pleased. She wants me to travel and I guess I can cross Rome off my list now.”
“Your list?” I’d make the week really special. I’d organize a room with a spectacular view and get her a guide to show her around while I was at work. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been away. And there was no one I’d rather go away with than my daughter and Autumn.
“I was just looking at it, actually,” she said, pulling away and turning to the kitchen table where a notebook lay open, the pages full of scribbles. “There’s just so many places to go. A month isn’t enough time to see and do everything.”
A month? What was she talking about? We’d be in Rome a week. She slid onto the bench. “Maybe I’ll start a new notebook for our trip to Rome rather than use this one.”
“So what are you planning in this one?” I said, sliding in next to her.
“Oh just where I’m going in August.”
It was as if someone had handed me a cannonball and pushed me into the ocean.
She was planning life after me.
“Hollie’s getting stressed about a wedding date and wants me to tell her what my plans are, but I haven’t really thought about it. Is that bad?”
It shouldn’t have been, but it was a relief that at least she’d not been counting down the days until she’d be leaving me—leaving us. I hadn’t been as happy as I was at the moment for a long time. Since Penelope. Before that even.
The year before Penelope had abandoned us, life had completely changed for the better because Bethany had been born. I’d felt soaring pride at being a father but also a pressure that it was my responsibility to give my daughter the kind of childhood I would have wanted—one free of anxiety and worry. One that was all about giggles and laughter and being a kid. I didn’t want Bethany to ever have to hear her father berating her mother or hear her mother crying for what seemed like days. I knew what bad was, so I knew how to create perfect for Bethany. When Penelope left, I’d been almost overwhelmed by guilt for not being able to sustain my vision of a perfect family for Bethany. It had eased slightly when it was clear Penelope wasn’t coming back, but Autumn arriving seemed to bring back the hope into our lives. She made everything more manageable somehow. She made every obstacle feel surmountable. She was like some kind of joy fairy that came in and made everything better. There was more laughter in the house. More fun.
I didn’t like the idea that at some point she’d take her magic wand and move on. But that had always been the deal. I’d always known that was going to be the case. And it was the right thing for her and for us. She was young. She’d never travelled before. She should go out and find her place in the world. And I wasn’t ever going to make promises to another woman. That ship had sailed. Our parting was inevitable.
“I can help you,” I said, shuffling closer to her. “If you want me to. I can tell you where I’ve been and what I liked. And what to avoid. Like the Mona Lisa—get there early, see it, and then get out. Go and see the other Da Vincis in the same gallery, which are just as spectacular, but everyone wanders past them looking for the Mona Lisa.”
“That’s a really good tip,” she said, scribbling away.
“And in Barcelona, make sure you just spend a