out, and when guys are freaked out by emotions they run away and find a new, shallow relationship. And even knowing all that, you’re here quizzing me on why I want my marriage to be an agreement before it’s a relationship. Well, here’s a case in point, Mike. When the relationship comes first, reason is trumped by feelings and people get stupid.”
“Rori?” he said cautiously. “Are you drinking?”
“So what if I am?” she shot back.
“Just checking. And for the record, I’m not uncomfortable with the conversation. I thought you were.”
She laughed, then chugged the bottle before debating whether she should open another.
“Look, I’ll drop the subject, okay?” he said. “You’re right. It’s none of my business who you marry. I was just trying to understand why you’re so afraid of falling in love and divorce. It’s like you’ve been married before, or something. That’s all.”
“Not married,” she said, closing her eyes again the images that popped up in her head. “Look, Mike, I need a few more minutes and a few more drinks before I’m drunk enough to blame what I’m about to do on alcohol, but I’m going to do it anyway, okay? Because you asked. And when you asked, you opened the door. And if I don’t tell you, I’m going to be up all night, staring at the ceiling and reliving this conversation over and over again in my mind. So are you ready?”
“I think so,” Mike said. “But Rori, if you don’t want to—”
“I know, I know,” she said over him. “You’re just the nice guy who opened the door for me. I don’t have to walk through it.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Mike? Shut up, will you? I’m about to tell you a deep, dark secret only the oldest of my friends know.”
She could have heard a pin drop on his side of the line. “Okay.”
Closing her eyes, Rori took a deep breath. Was she really going to do this? Apparently she was, and she was pretty sure she didn’t want to examine her motives very closely.
“I believed in love once,” she said at length. “I really did. When I met Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome I was fifteen years old and he was nineteen. It was in Italy, and he everything a girl could ask for in a prince. Rich, with villas and cars, swimming pools that overlooked the ocean, and a lean swimmer’s body that looked delicious in a swimming suit. The guy could have been a model, Mike. So hot, with eyes like chocolate and a mouth that always looked like he was thinking about kissing you. Polished, refined, rich, and totally sexy. We met at his father’s fashion show and it was love at first sight.”
She paused, wanting a reaction from him, but all she got was a, “Go on.” He didn’t sound the slightest bit put off or uncomfortable, and for some reason she really wanted him to be.
“I was a virgin when I met him, but that didn’t last long. Maybe because of what your sister was talking about, maybe it was just young and stupid, but once we kissed, I just couldn’t stop and he didn’t even try. He made me feel things I hadn’t even imagined before. My mother and I only stayed there for two weeks, but I’m pretty sure I spent half of those two weeks naked and discovering the capabilities of my own body, which seemed to be insatiable. No matter how many condoms Lorenz brought, we always ran out. And once we ran out, we were too stuck in the moment to fix the situation. Plus, I figured out real quick that sex was way better without the condom in the way. I know guys are usually the ones to complain about condoms, but I can tell you that I’m pretty sure girls hate them just as much if they’re in love with the guy. And with Lorenz I was smitten into stupidity. I knew unprotected sex could lead to pregnancy, but I was more worried about getting my period and having it ruin all the fun than I was about getting pregnant.”
She paused, mostly to mentally chide her younger self for the millionth time. So stupid.
“How long was it before you knew you were pregnant?” Mike asked softly, surprising her.
“Oh, my mom figured it out before I did,” Rori said, remembering the day too vividly in her mind. “When I went six weeks without depleting the tampon supply, she took me into a doctor had