bit. If he’d had different friends, Luke would be the kind of guy who lived in a man cave and played role play games all day. He can be thoughtless. We both know that, but not because he has a bad heart. Because he has a clueless one. Hanging out with you and tagging along all those times your mom sent you out to deliver food, or mow a lawn, or take a shy girl to a dance, just showed Luke that he wasn’t the only person on the planet who wanted things. He learned how to give, and I have no doubt he’ll give everything he can to Kris. I’m sure of it.”
Mike considered that, then nodded. “So is that the difference between a guy and a man, do you think?”
“A man gives,” his dad said. “A man provides for others.”
“And a guy provides for himself?” Mike asked. “Does that mean I’m going through a guy phase right now?”
“You’re trying to get out of debt,” his father said. “You’ve never been in debt and you feel like you can’t truly give anything to anyone until you’re free of it. I know how your mind works.”
“Thanks.”
“That said, yes. You are definitely going through a ‘guy’ phase, son. Sun up to sun down all you’re thinking about is yourself. I think that’s one of the reasons your mom is worried. People who think only about themselves tend to get depressed.”
Ouch. Well that assessment was pretty much on the nose. “Three months and I’m out of debt. If I’m still acting like a guy then, feel free to yell at me.”
“Will do,” his dad said. “And just know that your mom will definitely be waiting for you to start dating again. She didn’t put all that effort into raising you so you could be a bachelor. She fully expects you to pamper a woman and make her some gorgeous grandkids.”
A face immediately came to mind. A face he would be much better off forgetting. “And if I find someone who doesn’t want me back?”
“Then you’re not being a man,” his dad said, dribbling the ball again.
Mike shook his head. “It’s different these days, Dad. Women get married for different reasons than they did fifty years ago. It’s all about love now. If a woman doesn’t love you, she’s not going to marry you because you’re a good, solid guy.”
His dad took a quick shot, banking the ball through the hoop and then catching it. “Your generation has it all backwards.” He tucked the ball under his arm and squared off with Mike. “You all seem to think that being in love is some over-the-top sensation that puts you in a constant state of euphoria. Then, as soon as the euphoria wears off, you all walk away and say you’re just not in love anymore so how can there be a marriage?” He tossed Mike the ball. “It’s a load of crap. Love is an action, not a state of being.”
Mike had heard his father’s words before. He’d been raised on them, for heaven’s sake. But for the first time he was having trouble believing them.
“But what if she doesn’t love you back?” Mike asked.
His father shook his head. “That’s the wrong question to ask. The question is, does the she feel your love, or are you just feeling it all by yourself? Love isn’t love if the other person doesn’t feel it, Mike. And it’s only when they feel your love that they can really make a choice of whether they want you in their life. The rest is just smoke and mirrors.”
Mike dribbled the ball, thinking not shooting.
His dad stood under the hoop and seemed to sense that his words hadn’t sunk in. “Ask yourself if you’re continuously showing this woman you love her, without demanding she meet you point for point.” He gestured to the house. “Like your mom loves you. That kind of love is work, son. Every night of your life, your mom has had dinner on the table for you. She held you when you were sick, and fixed you up when you got hurt. She’s gone to all your events and cheered for you—whether you won or lost. And when you did lose, she still made you feel like a winner. If you really want to make a relationship work, that’s how you’ve got to love. It’s just how it is. Everything else will fail.”