A Most Excellent Midlife Crisis - Robyn Peterman Page 0,17
said. “But the end of this particular story? No. I don’t know anything about that.”
“Crap,” I muttered as I continued to pace. With each step, I felt better and stronger. Part of me wanted to go for a run. I was sure that wouldn’t go over real well with my company right now. They were all staring at me like I’d grown another head.
Maybe I had…
“How long was I out?” I asked, realizing I had to pee. Badly. “Hold that answer.”
Sprinting to the bathroom, I did my business and brushed my teeth for a good five minutes. What I really wanted was to see Gideon, but I understood why he wasn’t here. Heather tossed in a clean pair of yoga pants, undies, a sports bra and a t-shirt. She was a good friend. After a quick shower that felt heavenly, I got dressed and was ready to confront the world—or at least the people in my house.
My hair was a wild mess of long dark curls, but that was nothing new. Giving myself one last cursory glance in the mirror to confirm I wasn’t sporting an extra head, I froze.
“What the heck?” I squinted to make sure I was seeing things correctly.
My eyes, normally a dark golden color, were now sparkling back at me in the mirror. I couldn’t blame it on the sun shining through the window because it was overcast outside. My eyes were now more like John Travolta’s—and I didn’t like it one bit.
“Damn it,” I said, narrowing my gaze at the image staring back at me. “Heather, can you come in here?”
“Yep?” she said, popping her head in the door.
“Shut the door behind you, please,” I said and sat down at my vanity. “Can you look at my eyes and tell me if I’ve lost my shit?”
Heather stared at me for a long moment and sucked in a quick breath. “I think your shit is intact, and I think something is happening.”
“Can you be more specific?” I questioned.
“No,” she said. “I wish I could.”
I nodded and considered punching something to release the anxiety building as my mind raced with frightening scenarios. However, I let that plan of action go fast. I’d recently knocked down a massive tree. I didn’t need to punch a wall out of my house. Changing the subject would lessen the chance of a panic attack or property damage.
“How long was I out?”
“Two weeks,” she replied, closing the lid of the toilet and sitting down.
“Are you kidding me?” I shouted. A panic attack was sounding more appealing with each new piece of information revealed.
“I kid you not.”
“How was that explained?”
“Explained?”
“To June, Jennifer and Missy.” They were human, and some of my dearest friends along with Heather. A two-week absence on my part wouldn’t fly with my girls.
“I told them that Gideon kidnapped you with your full approval for a long getaway. With Gram dying, you needed a change of scenery. I also told them I was house and dog sitting for you.”
“And they believed you?” I asked.
“June and Jennifer bought it hook, line and sinker,” Heather said, and then paused. “But Missy seemed surprised and a bit hurt that you didn’t tell her yourself.”
Scrubbing my hands over my face, I wondered if I was going to have to weave a web of lies for my best friend since childhood. Missy was like a sister to me. I would be hurt, too, if she took off and neglected to tell me.
I sucked as a liar. The truth was so much easier to remember.
And I was certain Heather hadn’t liked lying to Missy, either. They’d had a relationship in the past and were slowly trying again. A relationship full of lies was like a house of cards waiting for a gust of wind to blow it down.
“What do I do?” I asked. “Lie?”
“Lies aren’t always kind,” Heather said with a sigh. “But the truth in this case is not possible.”
“Awesome. So, where did Gideon and I go?”
“How about a cabin in Maine with bad internet service?” Heather suggested. “It was cold and you didn’t get out much, so you found other things to occupy your time.”
I laughed then cringed. “Umm, how did Gideon react to… you know…”
“The undescended testicle discussion?” Heather asked with a grin.
“Yes,” I replied with a wince.
“He laughed.”
“He laughed?”
“He did indeed, and then offered to prove his nuts were outstanding if anyone was so inclined to look.”
“Dear God,” I gasped out. “Did he drop trou and reveal his balls?”