More Than Maybe - Erin Hahn Page 0,66
long while, he gently presses me back. “I have to get to work.”
I wipe at my face and nod.
I see my mom reach for his arm and rub it reassuringly. He’s stunned, and I feel terrible. This is probably more emotion than he’s experienced in his entire life.
“Vada, look at me.”
I lift my swollen eyes. I must look terrible. Phil looks crushed.
“I’m sorry I have to go, but I’m already late. I can’t leave Kazi in charge. He’ll have the place reeking of incense and Regina Spektor will be playing and it’s a whole thing.”
I nod, smiling at the image. He’s not wrong.
“But you know I’m not running away from you, right?”
How can I possibly have more tears to give?
My mom comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my shoulders, leaning down. My breath hitches, and I nod.
“I’m not leaving you because you cried. I’m leaving because I have to. But if I didn’t have to, I wouldn’t. You understand the difference, right? You know what I’m saying?”
I do. I also don’t know what to think about it. I’m not … equipped for this. I manage a nod.
“Okay. I’ll call you later, Mary,” he says, and I hear him drop a kiss on my mom’s head. She’s holding me tightly, and I’m still trembling.
After the door closes behind Phil, my mom asks if I want to talk about it.
“Not yet.”
She seems to understand that it’s not a closed door. I’m just spent and confused and so tired.
“I have to tell you something, Vada.”
I turn, and she releases her grip. She is smiling again.
“You know how Phil and I have been seeing each other for a while.”
I choke as a laugh gurgles out. “Duh.”
“Oh. Well,” she says, smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles of her blouse, revealing something sparkly. “He asked me to marry him today.”
My jaw drops clear to the floor. “Wow,” I say. “I thought maybe you were more serious than you were letting on, but—”
“We are. I’m sorry we’ve kept it so private. Phil worried that you might not be too keen on another guy around with all the Marcus bullshit.”
“Mom!” I say, shocked. Mom never, ever swears.
“Well, that’s what it is. Anyway, we wanted to tell you together, but…”
“I started sobbing all over him?”
She tilts her head, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “Right. And as I watched you, I wondered if it would be okay. Maybe you would be okay with Phil around permanently. And I really love him. He makes me so…”
“Happy?” I say. “Duh,” I repeat. “You are radiating kittens and sunbeams, Mom.”
“Well, I think I’ve loved him most of my life, to be honest. We almost got together in high school, but he chickened out. Then I met your dad and convinced myself it wasn’t what I thought it was, but … I think it’s been there all along.”
My mind can’t help but go to Luke.
“For him, too, right?” I say, no longer sure who I’m asking about.
She nods, her dark hair bouncing. And something calms inside of me.
“It’s incredible, Mom. Truly. I’m so happy for both of you. My two favorite people in the world love each other.”
“And you, Vada. We’re both crazy about you.”
I bite my lip, trying not to cry again. “Mom,” I say finally. “Mom! You’re going to be a bride!”
She slips into a chair at the kitchen table, and I sit across from her.
“I know! I need to find a dress. You’ll come with me, right?”
“Of course.”
“We’re thinking something small. I don’t want to wait.”
“Okay.”
“Vada,” my mom says, her hands reaching for me but stopping short as if she’s unsure. “Are you really okay with all of this?”
I lean back against my chair and meet her gaze. “Absolutely.”
She bites her lip in a way so familiar to me that I know she’s playing for time. “That was fast. I really want you to think about it.”
I press forward and take her hands. “Mom. I have thought about it. I’ve been thinking about it, wishing for it, even, for years.”
“For a dad?”
I shake my head. “I have a dad. He sucks. I’ve been wishing for a Phil. For a man who will love you the way you deserve.”
“But he’ll be your stepdad, you realize.”
“Yeah. I know. And I’m”—I swallow against my tight throat—“grateful. But I’m eighteen. I don’t need a stepdad. I’ve always just needed a Phil, and he’s been that since the day he let me follow him around the club.”
“You don’t think things will change?”
“Not in