Since it looks terrible, I fake a smile of encouragement, glad she can’t see this mess yet, then drop the brush. It’s a lost cause.
“Now contour.” But what the hell do I do with this stick that’s a dark grayish-brown? No idea. “But she already looks so perfect, I don’t think we need it. So…moving on.” I toss it back in its basket.
She roars out laughing.
When I shoot her a quelling glare, she settles back into her chair. “Perfect. Keep going.”
“Let’s have some powder. They call this the Skin Perfecting Illuminating Veil. Why not just call it powder?”
“Because that doesn’t tell you what the powder does.”
I scowl. “Neither does Skin Perfecting Illuminating Veil.”
“Sure it does. It’s going to perfect my skin and add some glow, hence the word illuminating in the product name. And it’s a veil, so it will give me a smooth canvas for the rest of my complexion products.”
“If you say so.”
She grins. “I do. Now hurry up or we’ll be here all night.”
“You want me to rush through the rest of this masterpiece?”
“Never.”
I pretend I didn’t hear her. “You got it. So let’s apply this veil crap.” I dust her face with the powder inside the compact. It smooths the harsh edges of her blush, tones down the too-dark bronzer, and makes her look almost normal...if a spackle consistency spread across the face is normal. “Let’s move on to mascara.”
Finally, something I know what to do with. Makuahine doesn’t wear much makeup, but she has always said she loves a good black lash. So I pick up the tube I chose earlier. “This is Purrfect Lash Mascara. I can’t tell who makes it. You probably already know anyway, so let’s just put this on the lashes.” I glance at Masey. “Just the tip? I don’t want to poke your eye out.”
“Whatever you think.”
She still won’t help me, so I just need to keep making this the most glorious train wreck I can.
To that end, I sweep the mascara brush up her lashes a few times. How much of this stuff does she need? I’ve heard my mother talk about multiple coats of mascara, so… “Okay, we’ll let that dry and do your eyeliner. Close your eyes.”
I take the cap off the pencil, then turn to see she’s dutifully complied. I draw a purple line from the inside corner of her eye to the outside. I think I’m supposed to get it close to the lash line, but my hand isn’t that steady and I don’t want to poke her, so it’s more of a squiggle in the middle of her lid. Close enough.
“Open.”
She does. Oh, that’s horrible. Truly bad.
I sigh. “Let’s do some cat-eye business. That’s hot.”
“Seriously?” Masey looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Hey, it’s my show, right? And the points or whatever out here”—I press near my temples—“are sexy. Close.”
Dutifully, she drops her lashes to her cheeks. “They’re not points; they’re wings.”
Good to know. “Okay, then. Wings are sexy.”
Since I have no idea how to do this, I make it up as I go. Predictably, my wings don’t match at all. Every time I try to make them look alike, I just make a bigger mess.
Finally, with thick purple strips just past her eyebrows, I shrug. “That’s as good as it’s going to get.”
And another glance tells me it’s horrific. Fuck the brown eyeshadow. This is too terrible to waste anything pretty.
Dayglow yellow it is.
While she’s not looking, I hold my finger up to my lips in front of the camera, then put the Hawaiian Beach palette back in the bin. I grab the neon one instead.
“Let’s go in with some color…” I have no idea what brush to use, so I just pluck up a small one and sweep the puke yellow shade all over her eye. “And spread this from her brows to her lashes.” When I step back, I grimace. That’s ugly and wrong, but… “Perfect. Now let’s add because…why not? More is better.” I grab a different brush and dip it into some neon green, then sweep that across her lid. I plop some orange in the middle of her eye. Yep, it’s thoroughly terrible.
“Did you pick a brow product?” she asks, eyes still closed.
“No.”
“Look over by the monitor.”
I do. Oh, shit, there’s another pile of tubes and pencils. “Grabbing a brow gel. I’ll put it on now. Oh, it’s got a brushy thing. Handy.”
When I sweep it across her left brow, I realize my