I didn’t deserve him,” I said. “I came right out of a bad relationship, so maybe it took me longer to recognize what I had.” I went up to Red, and I realized how pale and thin he was. There were mauve shadows under his eyes that I did not recall seeing before, and it struck me that he looked older than he had just a few moments before. “Are you really dying?” I felt my throat close up.
Red nodded. “Don’t blame yourself, Doc.”
“But can’t someone do something? What if I take those marks now?”
Red smiled sadly. “It’s not the kind of thing you can do out of pity. And you can’t mostly want to do it, either. It’s kind of an all or nothing deal. I guess I should’ve explained it better, but I fucked up.”
I put my hand on his cheek, and my blanket slipped, forcing me to grab it. “You didn’t fuck this one up, Red. I did.” I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry about what happened with Malachy. If it makes any difference, I know now that I would rather be with you. When the town started changing, I kept trying to get back to you. And every time something happened, I thought about things you had told me or taught me. And it finally became clear to me that if I had to live in a stone-age world, there was only one man I’d want living in my cave. You.” I took a breath and let it out as a choked laugh. “Take away all the trappings of the modern world, and it’s easier to see what’s really real.”
Red swallowed hard, like he was fighting back something bitter. “That’s nice, Doc. But you still don’t get it. I wasn’t off trying to save the town. I was busy handing over the keys, and trying to make it look like I wasn’t involved.”
“But why? What changed your mind?”
Red gave me a hard, direct look. “What you just said. Take away the electricity and the supermarkets, and I figured I’d look pretty good to you. Because you didn’t receive the marks. If you’d gone all the way, then I would never have …” He broke off. “If it makes any difference, Doc, I regret the hell out of it.”
“How charming. But it changes nothing,” added Bruin.
I pivoted and walked up to him, my heart pounding so fast it was difficult to speak. “Maybe not. Maybe I can make a deal. Can’t I ransom Red? I wasn’t ready to complete the bonding ceremony before, but I am now.”
“It’s too late,” snapped the hawk woman.
“But why is it too late? Doesn’t it mean more now that I understand what’s at stake?” I moved toward Rocky. “I don’t think it’s too late for anything. You don’t want the manitous to lose their ancient pathways. I understand that. I don’t know when you decided that it was all or nothing, but we don’t have to be enemies. We can work together.”
“Bullshit.” Bruin’s voice shook with rage. “You think I don’t know how it works? We make a deal with you, the next thing we know, someone new is in power and the old deal don’t fly no more.”
Rocky and Ladyhawke moved around to stand beside Bruin, and I looked past them, at Lilliana. A bead of sweat was running down her forehead; she was broadcasting. But was she working for me, or against me?
“What about Lilliana? She belongs in this reality. You can’t just hijack this whole town into another dimension, with all the people here inside it.”
“She loves me,” said Bruin smoothly, running his hand over her arm. “For me, she make this sacrifice. Don’t you, cherie?”
Lilliana looked up at Bruin, putting her slender, dark hand against his cheek. “I don’t want to lose my world,” she said. She called him a name I hadn’t heard before, something long, with little pauses in it. “I don’t want to live in permanent exile any more than you do.”
Bruin looked thunderstruck. “But you said … I thought …” His expression was almost comical.
“But there is another way,” I said. “You could trust us. Work with us.”
“Trust you,” sneered Bruin. “Do you know how many times I have trusted? How many treaties I have made?”
“I don’t know,” said Rocky, flicking Red’s switchblade open and shut. “I think she might be telling the truth.”
I held out my hand. “Let me have the knife, Rocky.”
He looked at me for a long moment, and there was mischief