day?” Lauren stripped off her blue peacoat. Her cheeks were pink from the weather. She seemed like someone who’d come home fulfilled, and accomplished. “Nippy out there. Who knew California could nip so effectively?”
Carly shrugged. “Day was fine. I did amazingly well at Wheel of Fortune, and I checked the mail. It was a huge day for me, really.”
Lauren laughed and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “I suck at Wheel of Fortune. I aspire to your heights.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t advise that.” She rolled her eyes. “Looks like you had a fantastic day.”
“I did and I didn’t. I feel more comfortable on set now. I know where all the food is and have gotten used to where to sit. I just wish I felt more like myself.”
“You’ll get there.”
“Not sure about how I’m doing in the acting department, though. Everyone seems happy enough, but I wonder.”
“If they seem happy, then you’re all good.” Carly pushed off the counter and wandered back to the living room. She should have talked it out with Lauren further, told her all about her own insecurities when she’d started out. Offered a few tips. She honestly wanted to participate in Lauren’s journey. She just also couldn’t seem to make herself engage.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Lauren followed her with a furrowed brow. She’d been shooting Carly those concerned looks ever since she’d won the film role. It was becoming almost painful to be on the receiving end of them.
“No. There’s nothing to say, right? I’m not going to cry to you about poor little me just as you’re arriving home from a full day on set. I’m happy for you, Lauren. You are the most deserving person I could imagine. I’m just…not myself.”
“I know.” Lauren sighed. She rolled her lips in, thoughtful. “I feel like you resent me.”
“I know.” Carly didn’t offer a further explanation, which was a shitty thing to do.
After a long moment, Lauren nodded and headed up the winding staircase, deflated. Carly didn’t hear anything from her for a couple of hours. Finally, she headed up. What she found surprised her: Lauren had packed her belongings.
“Wait. What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna get out of your hair.” She faced Carly with a watery smile.
“What? No. That’s not necessary. You’re welcome to stay here.”
“Welcome?” She laughed through her sadness. “That’s very hospitable of you, Carly, but I think I’d want to be more than just welcome. More than tolerated. I want you to want me here, and that’s not happening anymore.”
A long pause. “I do want you here.” It sounded unconvincing even to her own ears. The thing was that underneath all the stuff clogging her brain, she did want Lauren by her side. Why couldn’t she fight for them?
Lauren nodded. “I can tell.” She placed a hand on her hip and appeared to be sorting through her words. “I think you’re going through a hard time, and I’m making it worse. I’m going to grab a hotel near the studio, and we can regroup later. How does that sound?”
“Lauren,” Carly said softly. She hated everything about the idea but, at the same time, didn’t have the emotional fortitude to wage an effective argument.
“Hey,” Lauren said, coming around the bed and taking Carly’s hand. “It’s probably for the best. You get a chance to catch your breath from all of this without me on top of you.”
“I like you on top of me,” Carly said, attempting to make a joke, but not fully nailing it.
Lauren squeezed her hand, understanding the underlying meaning. “Let’s get back to that soon, okay?” Carly nodded in response. Lauren tried to smile. “That’s what I want, anyway.”
She watched Lauren’s normally self-assured demeanor fade, showing cracks in her confidence in their possible future together. That was Carly’s fault. Maybe Lauren was right. Maybe if she got some space, she could pull herself out of this self-imposed isolation and work on being a confident person. Honestly, she’d settle for recognizing herself in the mirror again.
“You sure about this?” Carly asked, sliding her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “Because I’m not.”
“We’re co-existing. Then snarking at each other. Apologizing. And repeating the whole process. I miss you so much it hurts all over, so I have to do something to fix it.”
“I miss you, too.” Carly dropped her head. “It has been a bit of a pressure cooker. My doing.”
Lauren walked around the bed and closed her suitcase. “Call me when you’ve had some time, okay?”