“Yes, I was paranoid as hell that you were out of my league and that you’d cast me off.” She shook her head ruefully. “I guess I just didn’t see the method in which you’d do it.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“Yes.”
A pause as the truth rained down. Carly accepted the responsibility and prayed she could find a way to undo the damage. Carly took an imploring step forward. “But it was. It was working out for you.”
“Parts were. But people change—their priorities do.” Lauren rolled her lips in and leaned sideways against the desk with one arm. “I always longed to be an actress, but maybe that’s not me anymore. I wasn’t happy. It’s easier here. Simpler.”
“Lauren. Just listen, I—”
“I don’t blame you, Carly, okay? Does that help? You can leave here feeling better and go back to your world with a clear conscience that little Lauren is just fine.” Her eyes were watery when she said it. There was also a resolve present, and that hurt more. “You were just living your life. I was in the way.”
“You were never that. I was dealing with issues of my own.”
Carly wasn’t able to process all of this at once. It was too much. What had she done? Turned into a petty, self-involved starlet who wasn’t getting the kind of jobs she thought worthy of herself. Never before had such a startling mirror been held up to her face. It nearly brought her to her knees. She hated herself and every action she’d taken since leaving Minneapolis. “You deserve so much better than all of this.”
Lauren offered a sincere smile. “I think everything happens for a reason, you know? We were a team on that show. Maybe that’s what we were meant for. Now we go our separate ways.”
“We’re still a team.”
“Sometimes things don’t work out the way we expect them to, and that’s okay.” Lauren looked like she was trying to convince herself of that just as strongly as she was Carly.
“That’s not what this is. Look at me.” Lauren did and the minute they connected, Carly knew she was right. “You and I are supposed to be together,” Carly said, her chest tight. “If we aren’t, why would I feel this way?”
“I’m not sure I agree.” She watched as the guard Lauren had in place seemed to fall away. “Do you think I don’t miss you?” Her voice was strangled with emotion. She placed a shaky hand over her heart. “Of course I do. Every day. But I’ve been missing you for a while now, and it’s become clear that maybe I’m not the best person for you. Maybe you’re not the best for me.”
“Are you positive of that?”
A long pause struck. “No.”
“Good. Then hear me out. I’m here because you mean more to me than any job. I lost myself somewhere in a swarm of personal disappointment and didn’t see what was right in front of me—the true source of my happiness was an uptight stage manager turned talented actress, and the best scene partner I’ve ever had in my life.” She took a moment with the next part. “Give me a second chance. I promise to learn from my mistakes.”
Lauren hadn’t moved a muscle. “I don’t think we’re ready for that. I don’t think you are.”
“What does that mean?”
“I think you need some time for yourself, to sort out your world.” Lauren was being too nice, but Carly translated. She was telling Carly to work on herself. It wasn’t the answer she wanted, but it also wasn’t a firmly closed door. She could work with a crack. She had to. It was all she had left.
“And while I do that? Will you come back to LA?”
“Not while the next show is in production. I talked to my agent about stepping back. Maybe I’ll pick up a role here or there along the way in the future. Make myself a bit of a hybrid. Others have done it.”
Carly nodded, trying to get past the painful lump in her throat. “I can’t convince you, huh? What if I picked up and moved here? I’d do it.”
Lauren shook her head, her conviction apparent. “I don’t want us to go down the same path all over again. You need to gather your world. Maybe then, give me a call. We can catch up.”
Carly nodded, dejected. “I’ll do the work, okay? Because this right here”—she gestured between them—“was supposed to be a two-month fling, and instead it’s changed me forever.”