Montana Cowboy Daddy (Wyatt Brothers of Montana #3) - Jane Porter Page 0,27

clicked the straps into place and lifted the seat and diaper bag. “I’m sure my room is ready by now,” she said. “Thanks for letting me hang out here for a bit.”

“Thanks for the company. Don’t forget to check out the rodeo later. You’ll be glad you did.”

The sun and excitement must have worn Beck out because once they were back in the cool motel room, and Erika had drawn the blackout curtains, Beck fell asleep and slept for hours.

Erika told herself this would be the perfect time to work, but she was too upset. Too frazzled. Too frustrated.

She flopped on the queen-size bed and tried to nap herself, but she couldn’t relax, her brain spinning this way and that.

She hated being mad. She hated that awful hot almost out of control feeling she felt when her temper flared. She’d never given in to outbursts when growing up—she wasn’t allowed the luxury—and she’d learned to bottle everything inside. But as she grew up, and learned to live independently, she’d begun trying to deal with her emotions instead of just smashing them down and going numb.

She wasn’t numb now. She felt emotional and angry and incredibly confused.

She’d been adamant about uniting Beck with his father. She’d also been adamant that she wasn’t going to get attached to Beck. She wasn’t looking to be a single mom. She wasn’t looking to be a mom, not for years, not until she’d met other goals, and they were goals that had to be accomplished in the proper order.

Graduate degree.

Work.

Build career, build financial security.

Date.

Meet someone solid and trustworthy.

Have a long engagement, develop relationship.

Get married.

Spend a few years as a couple, focusing on marriage.

Then get pregnant and start a family.

There were steps to be taken, steps that would ensure she wasn’t making a mistake, or rushing into anything.

Because school had been her number one priority, Erika hadn’t been dating. Her last ‘boyfriend’ had been almost three years ago, and her last date fourteen months ago, and that date, tepid and uninspiring, made her realize she’d rather be alone than with someone who bored her. And so she wrote off men and dating until she’d accomplished more of her goals, and she’d been focused exclusively on her goals until April died and she got the call that she was April’s backup plan for Beck.

For the past month Erika’s goals, those goals she’d carefully nurtured, had been shoved to a back burner, but she couldn’t leave her goals there.

She couldn’t leave herself on the back burner.

If she had the means, if she thought she could support Beck, she’d pack him up and head back home right now. She’d let Billy find her and come up with a parenting plan that made sense, but until then, she’d take care of Beck the way she always had—with love and patience.

Even if she hadn’t become attached to Beck, she still wouldn’t like the thought of him living in a trailer, traveling from rodeo to rodeo. That was no life for a baby.

If Billy settled down, if he took a job, for example, on a ranch like the Wyatt ranch, or even better, settled down in Montana on the Wyatt ranch itself, he could be a proper parent.

She knew with her head, that Beck would eventually be fine with Billy, too. If she didn’t over analyze Billy’s career, she had to admit that he was successful in his chosen field. He was also a man from a close-knit family. He had one brother that would soon be a father. He had two sisters-in-law he could go to should he need input from a grounded female.

Erika was no longer needed, not in the way she’d been needed a month ago. And she’d accomplished what she had set out to do. She was free to go. And she ought to go. She had so much to do back home, and the most practical thing was return to her life with that ever present looming deadline.

But she was loath to leave Beck. She’d miss his warmth and the cuddles. She’d miss his smell and his big toothless smile. She’d miss his blue eyes and the way he splashed in his bath, slapping the water as hard as he could just to make her laugh. Beck had somehow crawled into her heart and it was going to hurt, letting him go.

It would be hard, too, returning to her life in Riverside after this month of baby kisses and company. In California, she lived a quiet life