Monster Whisperer - J.B. Trepagnier Page 0,36
she’s one of the strongest monsters here. Hades will not buy she was crying on my shoulder while you burst out. And if you try to bench me, I’ll tell Hades it was all my idea, and I snuck out too.”
This rumbling noise came from Kimon’s chest, and smoke blew from his nostrils.
“Baby bird, you don’t want to go up against a minotaur.”
“And you don’t want to go up against whatever the fuck I am. Hades can’t do a damned thing to me, or he’ll have Hell working against him instead of for him. He also needs me because I’m the only one who can communicate for you. So, let’s use that instead of all of you taking that blame.”
“The pretty monster whisperer has a point,” Pavlina said. “Hades can’t do a fucking thing to her without pissing off Hell. You heard the witch. She called River precious cargo, which means her father must be an important man in Hell.”
“An important man we don’t want to piss off if we put his daughter at risk,” Tryphon said.
“He can get mad at me, not you. He’s the one not here explaining things to me. If he wants to get mad at me, I have plenty of things to be mad at him about.”
Tryphon chuckled.
“I think she can handle herself. She can just set Hades’ trousers on fire again if he’s mean to her. Did you see the look on his face? Anyone else would have gone straight to the pits of Tartarus, but he knows he needs River and can’t.”
Kimon sighed.
“Fine, but I’m going with you. I don’t trust secret passages in Underworld jails. There could be traps and other feral monsters trapped down there that have escaped the collar.”
Cerberus let out this little chuff and rested his three heads on his paws.
“There’s not. Back when this jail used to be full of prisoners, it was meant to be an escape if there was a prison riot or someone got out. It was meant for the jail keeper to be able to escape if anything went wrong. There are other codes associated with that keypad to incinerate the entire prison and send everyone to the pits of Tartarus.”
“I like it when you are helpful, Cerberus,” Pavlina purred.
This massive, three-headed dog let out a little whimper.
“Cerberus, Pavlina will not eat you. She prefers nasty people.”
“Maybe she just hasn’t developed a taste for dog yet.”
“I don’t eat people’s pets, Cerberus. I won’t eat you. The only time I eat animals is when I’m in my human form, and it’s never dog. The only time I eat them when I’m my spider is when they try to attack me.”
“What kind of animal is dumb enough to attack a giant spider?”
“The kind that are hunting the same prey as me. Animals eat people too, Cerberus, they just don’t care if they are good or bad.”
“Yes, they do. It’s a smell, or they are provoked. Animals only eat people when they come to their territory. You should pick your hunting grounds better,” Cerberus fussed.
“I do. Prey always runs, and sometimes they run to stupid places.”
“I can agree with that.”
“Are we actually doing this, or are Pavlina and Cerberus going to talk about their feelings?” Demos growled.
“They needed to get this out, Demos.”
“And we need to save a queen and get a deranged Goddess out of the Underworld. They can do this later.”
“You’re a dick, Demos. I don’t want everyone to fear me, just those I need to. I don’t want Cerberus scared of me. I actually like dogs.”
“No, Demos is right. I don’t like this, but if we are doing it, we should do it now. We don’t know when Hades is sending his scouts. The only reason I agreed to help was because if Demos can get intel and we tell Hades, he won’t send anyone else who might not be as good at it as Demos and tip Demeter off.”
So, Cerberus had some plan this entire time. Sneaky
dog. We’d best stop arguing and get to it.
“Well, if we’ve all dealt with our shit, I’d say it’s time to break Demos out and confess to Hades before he sends other scouts. It’s already a big nope on all of you taking the fall. I like Pavlina, but I don’t need a babysitter.”
“I’m still coming,” Kimon said.
“We’ll hold the fort down if anyone comes. I’ll babysit Tryphon,” Pavlina said.
“Watch it, spider. My tentacles can reach you from here.”
“You know I love you, Kraken.”
“Which is why I